If It Kills Me
by The Creative Writer
Summary: Up for Adoption. Contact me.
1. Some Opening Words

**Author's Note:**

I know this isn't something you expect when you first open a story to read it, but I wanted to say several things before you begin on this journey.

1) When this story is updated, I put the soundtrack at the very end, so if you get alerts, you will be alerted only that the soundtrack chapter was updated. Ignore this. Just backtrack one chapter to the last chapter of the actually story, and there ya go.

2) As I have stated, there is a soundtrack. If you'd like to listen to this soundtrack while you read, go to my profile now and open up the youtube link. It will take you directly to the playlist for the whole story—or at least to the amount I've written so far. I will update the playlist when I update the chapters.

3) Enjoy yourself. Ultimately, this story is for you. If you don't enjoy yourself, I'm not doing my job as a writer. Of course, I cannot help it if you have certain biases like not liking BellaxFelix. Just to let you know ahead of time, there will be many Bellix moments. If you do not wish to read the story, that is fine.

4) I enjoy constructive criticism and, of course, praise. So, if you like my story, review, favorite it or put it on your alerts. Any of them make me feel good, but the only way to constructively criticize me or give me ideas (which I am open to) is to review.


	2. Prologue

It was three weeks until the wedding. Bella could not contain the happiness she felt. She looked at herself in the mirror, and for once, she wasn't disappointed. She grinned at herself and let out a giggle. In three weeks she would not only be married to Edward, the man she loved, she would also be a vampire. Becoming a vampire was something that she had wanted for a while now, and she was looking forward to it almost as much as the wedding. Almost. Edward was coming over to her house to pick her up for a movie. Bella was getting ready for the evening in her bedroom. She really wanted to look pretty tonight, and Alice had even helped her pick out clothes for the evening. She had on dark jeans that were slightly faded and flared out on the bottom. She wore electric blue heels with black bows on them. She had almost murdered Alice for making her wear the heels—as if she weren't clumsy enough already! She wore a dull silk, luxurious to the touch, but not shiny, black shirt. The shirt was amazing, in and of itself. It was off the shoulder and had an electric blue, silk ribbon that weaved through the top and tied off on the right shoulder. The ends of the ribbon down her right arm and ended just below her waist. She would have to remember to not sit on them at the movie.

She heard a knock on the door downstairs and knew that Edward had arrived. She smiled at herself in the mirror again and walked down the stairs as fast as she could in her heels. Of course, since she took so long, Charlie answered the door.

"Hello, Edward." Charlie said politely, stepping aside to let him in. Charlie was still a little cold towards Edward. He did have good reason, Edward had left Bella alone and miserable for months.

"Thanks, Officer Swan." Edward said with a smile and stepped into the house. He looked up the stairs and saw Bella descending them. He flashed her a smile too, but something in his eyes made Bella return his smile only half-heartedly.

As soon as she got down the stairs, her body found Edward's and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He returned her hug and pulled away.

"Are you ready to go?" Bella asked, already headed towards the door.

"Actually, Bella, I wanted to talk to you and your dad for a second." Edward responded. The tone of his voice made Bella fiddle with her engagement ring nervously.

"Um, okay." She responded, looking at him nervously.

"It's not bad, I promise." He reassured her, giving her a crooked smile. Her heart melted at that smile and she merely nodded. She couldn't say no to that smile. Edward led the trio into the living room and he sat on the La-Z-Boy, forcing Bella and her father to sit together on the couch.

"Well?" Charlie prompted.

"Bella, I want to marry you more than anything in the world. I love you so much. However, I think it would be best for you to live at home while you're in school. I know that we're both going to Dartmouth, but during the summer, I think you should live here. You should stay with your dad and visit 

your mom during the summer and school breaks instead of living up there with me." Edward took a breath after his speech. He had spoken very fast, not wanting to give Bella a chance to argue.

"My parents want me to do the same. We would still see each other all the time, but you would be able to spend more time with your parents." He took another deep breath while he watched Bella's face turn from surprise to fury.

"What about the wedding?" He was surprised to hear Charlie's voice instead of Bella's.

"Well, that would go on as planned, sir. My sisters have been putting too much effort into it to postpone it." He smiled fondly at the thought.

Bella still hadn't calmed down enough to speak. She was fuming. She could practically feel the smoke coming out of her ears.

Where did he get off doing this to her? They had _talked_ about this. Bella wouldn't go to school until _after_ she was changed and ready to go out in public again. Now he was enlisting her father in this mission to keep her human. How dare he!

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Edward. Really smart, right Bella?" Charlie gave Edward a grin. For once, Edward was doing something that Charlie approved of.

"Sure, dad. Can we go to the movie now, Edward?" Bella's voice was cold. She wanted to get out of the house. She wanted to scream at Edward. What gave him the right to do this? She deserved to be a vampire. She needed to be one. She needed to feel equal to her Cullen family. Why would Edward want to hinder this?

Though thousands of questions flooded her mind with anger, she couldn't bring herself to talk to Edward, let alone look at him. He seemed to accept this quietly and neither of them spoke on the drive to the theater.

"Do you want popcorn, Bella? A Coke?" Edward asked her once he paid for their tickets. Bella responded by walking towards the theater doors and disappearing into the dark room. Edward sighed, but bought the popcorn and drink anyways. It took him mere seconds to find Bella in the room and he placed the drink in the cup holder and the popcorn on his lap. Bella neither spoke to him during the movie nor ate or drank.

Once the pair got into Edward's Volvo, he looked over at her, "Bella, will you please say something?"

"I don't have anything to say."

"Yes, you do."

"Edward, why would you do this? I want to be a vampire. I want to live with you forever. Why do you want to keep me human?"

"I just want you to experience things as a human before I completely ruin your life."

"You're not going to ruin it. I want to do this."

"Well, I don't want to."

"Then I'll just ask someone else."

"Bella, don't do this. I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy. I can tell you that you won't be happy as a vampire. You just won't."

"Why, because you're not?"

"Yes, and no. I'm happy that I found you, but I wish I was still human. I wish that so much."

"You can't change that. You _can_ change me."

"No, I can't. I just can't."

Bella let out a frustrated yell and refused to speak to him anymore. He dropped her off at her house, but didn't come in. He knew that he wasn't wanted inside. Bella stormed up to her room and was glad to hear snoring coming from her father's bedroom.

She picked up her cell phone and dialed a number she knew by heart.

"Hello? Bells?" a gruff voice answered.

"Hey, Jake. Do you want to come over? I need to do something without Alice or Edward finding out."

"Um, yeah, sure. Okay." Jacob grinned and hung up the phone. Even if it was something little, Jacob still loved to be with Bella when Edward wasn't around. He loved the fact that Alice couldn't see Bella's future when he was around too. That just made things juicy and exciting.

Bella threw her phone on to her bed and let out a frustrated growl. She turned on her iPod stereo and flipped the song to _Break Stuff_ by Limp Bizkit. She let the anger in the song justify her own. She listened to the song all the way through with her eyes closed. After the song faded, she picked up her laptop and brought it downstairs.

It took Jacob fifteen minutes to get to Bella's and she met him at the door. Her laptop was set up at the kitchen table.

"Hey, Jake. I wanted to buy plane tickets to Italy. For my honeymoon. It was Carlisle's idea, but I want to surprise Edward. You don't have to stand over my shoulder, you know." She said, as Jacob hovered over her, staring at the computer screen.

"Oh, right. Can I watch the game? It was on when you called."

"Yeah, that's fine. Keep it down, though, Dad's asleep."

"Alright." He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead before turning to the living room. Bella watched as his massive body flung itself on the couch and how small the remote looked in his hand. She giggled. He looked like he was trying to fit into a doll house world.

She faced the computer, free to make any decision she wanted to while Jacob was around. She bought a plane ticket to Italy and reserved a car to drive to Volturra. If Edward wouldn't change her, somebody would.

* * *

**Author's note: Hey everyone! I hope you like the prologue! Disclaimer: I do not own anything! If I mention any clothing in detail, check my profile for pictures of it. My roommate is in fashion design and is designing all of my outfits! Thanks Molly! I love you.**


	3. Losing Grip

Bella's phone rang on her bed, the ring tone letting her know that Alice was trying to reach her. After several rings, Bella reluctantly walked up the stairs to her room, picked up the phone and pressed the green button.

"Hello?"

"Bella, why did you disappear from my visions?"

"Hi, Alice."

"Hi, Bella. Now, spill."

"I'm with Jacob, I'm fine." Bella's voice sounded shaky.

"What are you trying to pull? Something is up, you can't lie very well."

"It's a surprise for Edward, I don't want him to find out, so I invited Jacob over to hide my actions from you. You can almost never keep a secret around him."

"I so could too. C'mon Bella, you can tell me." Alice begged. Jacob laughed in the background at the sound of Alice's voice.

"No, sorry, Alice. I'm not going to tell you. I really want this to be a surprise."

"Alright, fine." Alice surrendered. She sounded annoyed.

"Thanks, Alice. Really."

"Yeah, sure. I'll talk to you soon. Be safe." Alice said.

"Bye." Bella said and hung up her phone.

Bella sighed in relief. It had been much easier than she had expected to lie to Alice. She headed back down the stairs slowly.

"Jacob?" She said softly, knowing he would hear her.

"Yeah, what's up?" His looked worried at the tone of her voice.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to go see that new movie in Seattle?"

"The one with Jack Black in it?"

"Yeah, that one." Bella responded, not actually knowing what movie he was talking about.

"Sure, but why can't we just go to the theater here?"

"Because I want to get out of town."

"Um, alright. Call your dad."

"Why? I'm 18, I can do whatever I want." She sounded frustrated.

"Bells, call your dad. He'll murder me if he finds out we left without telling him."

"Ugh, fine." She threw her hands up in defeat.

"Thank you Bella." Jacob responded in a fatherly tone.

Not twenty minutes later, Bella was sitting in the passenger seat of Jacob's Rabbit. She was silent, but not for lack of words. She was feeling horribly guilty at what she was about to do.

The hours long car ride was mostly silent with a few intercedes from Jacob. It bothered him that she was being so quiet. He figured she was having a fight with the blood sucker, so he didn't try to help her fix it. The longer she was angry at him, the better.

When they finally reached Seattle, Bella rattled off the directions for the theater. She purposely picked the theater inside the airport. **(A/N: I don't actually know if there is a theater in the Seattle airport, but for the purposes of this story, there is.)** Jacob bought their tickets and they headed into the dark theater. Jacob took the opportunity to put her arm on the back of Bella's chair. The movie, Tropic Thunder, looked funny, and Bella was disappointed that she was going to have to miss it.

After the first few minutes of the movie, Bella excused herself saying that she had to use the restroom. Jacob just nodded, but was too engrossed in the opening scene to really care. Bella blinked as the bright lights hit her eyes after stepping out of the dark theater. Directly in front of her was the women's restroom. She whispered an apology to Jacob and headed in the opposite direction, towards ticket pick-up for outgoing flights.

After fifteen minutes, she held her ticket in her hand and prayed that Jacob would come looking for her. She had another ten minutes before her flight left. She silently thanked whichever god was watching out for her today. Her wait time was so convenient.

As soon as her flight began boarding, Bella rushed to be first in line. She was led to an aisle seat in the middle of the plane. She put her headphones on and put her iPod on shuffle. It was going to be a long flight. She wondered briefly how angry Jacob would be at her. How angry Alice and Edward would be. Her father. It didn't matter now. She was going to force Aro to force Carlisle to force Edward to bite her. It would work. It had to.

Alice ran into Edward's door so hard that it flew off its hinges.

"Holy shit, Alice! What?!"

Alice didn't need to answer the question for Edward to know what was on her mind. Edward rushed out of his bedroom and downstairs to Carlisle.

"Bella's on a plane to Volturra, Carlisle. I need to get there. Now."

"Oh, um.." Carlise started, taken off guard. He got over it quickly, "Well, you'll have to get a plane ticket and follow her there."

"Not fast enough. There won't be another flight for at least a week. International flights are not all that common out of Seattle. Not to Italy. I need a private jet or small plane or something."

"Son, those take months to get ready. Besides that, you can't just fly out of somewhere and expect to be able to land. Italy is going to have to confirm what you're doing and allow it. Buying a plane ticket will be faster."

Edward was breathing heavily now. He was on the verge of a panic attack. "I don't have time. What are they going to do to her?"

Alice took her chance to speak up. "She just wants to talk to Aro. She is going to ask him to force you to change her, Edward."

"This is ridiculous!" Edward screamed. Alice just nodded.

"We'll go buy plane tickets now." Alice said quietly and headed into the den to the computer.

Carlisle considered them lucky, the next flight to Italy was in three days. It was farther from where Bella had landed, but at least they would be in the country. Three days seemed like eternity to Edward. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew his father and sister were right. This was the fastest way to Bella. In the mean time, he had some _discussing_ to do with a certain werewolf.

* * *

**Author's Note: I really didn't like writing this chapter, which is why it took me so long to update. I was really dreading writing this. It's a filler and it's pretty boring. I promise that the next chapter will be sooo much better and much more fun to read. Reviews are nice, but not necessary. I get my fix from seeing the reader traffic!**


	4. Coffee Shop Soundtrack

"Turn left in 200 feet." The GPS system in Bella's rent-a-car told her. As Bella complied, she got her first, well second, glimpse of Volturra. She barely remembered her first trip to Volturra. The memory was clouded by fear and worry. This trip was not much different. Of course, she was still scared and worried, but not for Edward's life this time. She was scared and worried that her plan wouldn't work. What if Aro just laughed at her? What if he refused to talk to Carlisle? What if they ate her? No. She needed to stop thinking that way. Her plan _would_ work. It had too. Bella knew just how much Aro was intrigued by her. Her mind was strong against vampire's mental abilities. That isn't something that Aro would want to throw away. Eating her was out of the question.

Bella parked the car on the side of a street, in front of a hotel. She made the decision to sleep at the hotel that night and head to see the Volturi in the morning. She knew that it wouldn't really matter what time of day she went and saw the Volturi, but she felt like she needed some preparation before she rushed into things. She laughed at her thought. This whole trip had been rushed, why slow down now? As she wrote a check for the hotel room, she grimaced. Her college fund was diminishing, and not slowly either. The plane ticket, the car, and now the hotel. This trip was costing her thousands of dollars.

Bella's phone was ringing off the hook all night, until she finally just shut it off. She didn't want to talk to the Cullen's. She wouldn't know what to say or how to explain herself. She knew they were angry with her and that worried her. Would they ever accept her back? Her night was spent mostly sleeplessly. She drifted off to sleep around 4 A.M., but only slept until 7. She was too nervous about meeting the Volturi to sleep any more than that.

Later that morning, Bella found herself standing in front of the Volturi palace, unsure of how to get inside. Does she just knock? Last time they were practically dragged inside. She switched her body weight from one foot to the other, trying to decide what to do. As she reached her hand up to knock on the massive door, it opened and revealed a woman with a frown on her face. She was human.

"Can I help you" The woman asked, clearly not wanting to help anybody do anything.

"Um, yeah. I'm Isabella Swan here to see Aro." Bella said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Oh. Step inside please." The woman responded, stepping aside to let Bella in. The woman had changed her tone at the mention of Aro's name. She didn't seem annoyed anymore, but bored and a little irritated.

"Stay here." The woman told Bella and Bella planted her feet. As the woman walked away, Bella looked at her surroundings. She was in a foyer, and a large one. The whole place was made of white marble. It was beautiful. A few minutes later, the woman returned.

"Follow me. Aro will see you now."

"Now?" Bella asked, suddenly nervous again.

"Yes, now." The woman responded, still irritated. She rolled her eyes and Bella had the feeling that the woman thought she was stupid.

Bella followed the woman through a series of twists and turns, corridors, and rooms. Finally, she stopped in front of large, two-story, double wooden doors. Bella instantly recognized the doors as leading to Aro's office and library. The woman knocked once and was rewarded with a voice from inside the room.

"Come in."

She opened the doors with some difficulty and shoved Bella inside, none too gently. Bella turned to see if the woman had followed her in, but the woman was already retreating. Bella stiffened. She was in a room alone with Aro. As she turned back to him, she realized that she wasn't, in fact, alone with Aro. Another vampire was there too, sitting in an armchair in the corner. He had his face hidden by his book. His presence eased Bella's mind. At least she wasn't alone.

"Ah, Isabella Swan. How are you? Well, I hope." Aro's voice boomed across the room. He stood up from his place behind his desk and walked around it to greet Bella properly. He took her hand in his and shook it lightly. He stared at her hand while he did this and shook his head, "So strange." He muttered.

"It never ceases to amaze me, Bella. This talent you have. Amazing." Aro dropped her hand and looked her in the eyes.

"What can I do for you dear?" Aro asked her, motioning for her to sit in an oversized black leather chair across from his desk. They both made their way towards the desk and Bella took the seat he offered. He went back around his desk and sat down as well.

"Well," Bella started, her voice unsure, "I came here to ask you a favor."

"Oh?"

"I want to be a vampire, Aro, badly. Edward is being difficult about it and suggests that I should attend college first. I'm not saying that this is an entirely bad idea, but I just don't want to go."

"Okay, what do you want me to do about it?"

"I want you to talk to Carlisle. Make him understand. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything. I think that if you told Carlisle that I should be changed, Edward will finally see the light. They won't have a choice but to change me."

"Ah, I see."

"You understand, don't you?" Bella's voice shook.

"Of course, dear Isabella. I have wanted you to become a vampire ever since I first met you. The power you would have! Just imagine. If you can block me now, what would you be able to do as a vampire?" His voice trailed off and he seemed lost in thought for a moment.

"So you'll talk to him then?" Bella asked, feeling more confident.

"I will discuss this matter with Carlisle, yes. However, I cannot force him to do anything. You know that, right Isabella?"

"Yes." Bella grumbled. She wasn't feeling confident anymore.

Aro laughed heartily and stood up. "I shall get you a room."

"Oh, I have a room at the hotel down the street, Aro, I can just sleep there."

"Nonsense. Felix, show her to one of the state rooms." Aro said, looking over at the figure in the armchair.

Felix's head shot up and he put the book back on the book shelf next to him. He stood up gracefully and walked past Bella before turning around, "Are you coming, human?"

Bella rolled her eyes, but followed him out of the room. Bella remembered him all too clearly. He had called "dibs" on her just last year. He had wanted to be the one to kill her. It didn't sit well in her stomach that she would have to be alone with him for any length of time—even if he was just showing her her room. She couldn't help but notice how attractive he looked, though. Especially from behind. He was wearing tailored black slacks, and a pin striped vest. Underneath the vest was a blood red dress shirt—the color matched his eyes, she noticed—the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his forearm muscles. His hair was styled into a short phohawk—a hairstyle that Bella had never liked, but Felix seemed to pull it off really well. **(See outfit on profile.)**

Felix wasn't walking very fast and Bella caught up to him easily. She was trying to decide how to fill the awkward silence when Felix spoke up.

"So your pathetic lover won't change you, will he?" His voice dripped with cruelty.

"No. Not that it's any of your business, Felix." Bella said, spitting out his name.

"Everything to do with vampires is my business, human. I'm Volturi." Felix said, snapping at her.

Bella scoffed. "You're not Volturi. You're their guard. You are easily replaceable and you know it." She didn't know where her new-found confidence had come from, but she liked it.

Felix hissed at her comment, "Watch your tongue, girl."

The rest of the way to her room was quiet. The silence was no longer awkward, but instead it was thick with hatred. Felix made her so angry! What right did he have to make fun of Edward? He was only doing what he thought was best—even if he was wrong.

Felix stopped suddenly in front of a door that looked like all the others in the corridor. Bella was unsure why he had stopped in front of this one instead of the countless others they had passed, but she decided to just ignore the thought. He twisted the door knob and opened the door, stepping aside and letting her go in first.

He stepped in after her and pointed to a key ring on the coffee table just inside the door, to the left, "This is the key to the room. You don't need to lock it, but if you feel it's necessary, you can." His voice was hard.

"Thank you." Bella said coldly, not really feeling thankful at all.

"Whatever." He turned to leave, but stopped himself and turned around again, "So what did you think you'd accomplish by coming here?" Bella thought he actually sounded sincere with his question, but she tossed the thought away with his next comment.

"I mean, if they don't want you what makes you think we do?"

"Oh, bite me, Felix. You don't need to be such an ass." Bella said, unaware of the pun.

Felix was aware of the pun. Without fear of repercussion, he made a choice he had been waiting to make for the past year. Before Bella could open her mouth to make another comment, his teeth sank into her throat.

Bella's scream filled the place. Felix was sure that the whole palace heard. His decision suddenly seemed like a bad one. Bella's eyes were filled with fear and pain. It wouldn't be long before someone would come and see what he had done. He picked Bella up swiftly and put her on the bed in the next room. Then, he darted out of the state room before someone else came in. Before Aro came in.

He ran and hid. He ran and hid like a coward. When it came to Aro, that's just what Felix was. A coward. He had no reason to fear anyone else. Felix was strong. He was brute force. He was Aro's personal guard. His right hand man—a very replaceable right hand man. Bella was right, the Volturi didn't need him, but Aro liked him. As long as he stayed on Aro's good side, Felix lived a life of luxury, power. Without Aro, Felix would be nothing, and they both knew it.

He couldn't hide for long. Only twenty minutes after he bit Bella, a choice he was regretting more and more, Aro approached the palace library—Felix's hiding place of choice.

"Felix? Felix, I know you are in here. You stink of fear." Aro called, his voice calm. Aro's voice was deceiving. His voice always sounded calm.

Felix stepped out to meet his doom.

"Yes, Aro?" His voice shook.

"Felix, you know what you have done. You know how I feel about this. You created a mess and I am not going to clean it up for you. Go take care of it, now." Aro said sternly.

"Take care of it?" Felix asked hesitantly. Did he want him to kill her?

"Make her as comfortable as you can. We need her on our side after this. All that power…" Aro said, off in his thoughts again.

Felix nodded and headed back towards Bella's state room. He could hear her whimpers of pain from hundreds of feet away. He was suddenly racked with guilt. All of this was his fault. He opened her door and headed into the bedroom. He could feel the heat radiating off of her as soon as he approached the bed. He sighed and climbed on the bed next to her. She was completely oblivious to her surroundings. Her eyes were closed and her face was in a permanent grimace of pain. Every once in a while she would whimper or scream.

Felix put his hands on her cheeks in an attempt to cool her down. At his touch, Bella opened her mouth, "Edward…" she whimpered. Felix growled at his name and removed his hands. He sat stubbornly on the bed until he felt her fever escalating.

_Take care of it._—He could hear Aro's voice in his head.

He sighed, grumpily. He looked at Bella and smiled evilly. Under the excuse that her fever was burning her up, he peeled her soaked clothes off of her, leaving her in just her bra and panties. He then removed his own shirt and lay down next to her. He wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her closer to him so that her back was against his chest.

If she wasn't unconscious and in so much pain, this would have been awesome for Felix. As it was, he had to control his primal instincts—both his hunger and his hormones.

For hours on end, Felix held her like that until she would start to shiver. Then, he's let go of her and let her warm up again until her fever returned. Then he would bring her close to him again. He did this over and over again. Gradually, by the end of the next day, her fever was reducing and the length of time between when he got to hold her grew. He felt himself feeling a little disappointed. He knew that when she woke she would want nothing to do with him. He tried to convince himself that he would feel the same. He wasn't doing a very good job of it.

**Author's Note: Check my profile for the picture of Felix's suit. Thanks to Molly again for designing it!**


	5. First Day of My Life

Bella sweated out her days and nights, unconscious and in pain. Felix did his best to keep her comfortable, but the most he could do was hold her when she got hot and cover her when she got cold. Aro came to check on them twice. Once the first day and once the second. Today was her third day of her transformation. By the end of the day, she would be a vampire. Felix never regretted his decision more than he did now. Soon, the Cullens would show up in Volturra and he would have to explain to them what he did. It wasn't a pleasant thought.

Bella stirred in her sleep and she kicked the covers off of her body. Felix smiled sympathetically to himself and rolled over so he was yet again wrapping his body around hers. He couldn't help but grin when Bella smiled. Her scent was overwhelming. It was flowery and sweet. He couldn't get enough of it. Whenever he wrapped his arms around her, he buried his face in her hair and was content.

This is the reason he never noticed the unexpected visitor until he came bursting through the bedroom door. His face was buried in Bella's hair and he was too focused on her to notice the very angry vampire's scent that now filled the room.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"Edward yelled.

Felix jumped in the air and off of the bed. He crouched in a defensive stance, waiting for the fight that was about to come. Edward lunged at him and the two wrestled for control. Felix had the upper hand, as he knew he would. Felix was just stronger. Felix had Edward's arm in a vice grip and was about to rip it off when Bella screamed.

Felix dropped Edward's arm and rushed over to her. She was just screaming in her sleep again, like she had been every few hours. He placed his hands on her cheeks to cool her.

"You…you bit her?" Edward's voice was soft. His voice trembled out of a mix of anger and worry.

"It's what she wanted, lover boy. She wouldn't have had to come here if you would have just given her what she wanted." Felix snapped.

Edward ignored him and climbed onto the bed, on the other side of Bella. He reached out to touch her bare shoulder. She whimpered in pain and pulled away from his touch and pressed herself against Felix instead. Edward's facial expression changed from confused to hurt to anger.

"Looks like she doesn't want you here, Eddie." Felix said with a smirk.

"Well I'm not leaving." Edward snapped.

"Yes, I think you are. You see, Aro told me to make her comfortable and your being here is not making her _comfortable_. I'm sure you'll get to see her later tonight, Eddie. You'll get to see your precious Bella soon. But for now, get out." Felix said, snarling out his last two words.

Edward let out a low growl and opened his mouth to say something but Carlisle appeared in the doorway, "I think he's right, Edward. Let's you and I go talk to Aro about this." His voice was demanding 

and left no room for argument. Edward growled again at Felix. He got off the bed and bent down to kiss Bella on the cheek before he left. She let out another whimper at his touch. Felix laughed cruelly.

It was several more hours before Felix started to hear Bella's heartbeat slow. Her body had become mostly cold now and she no longer needed to be cooled off or warmed up. He held her anyway until her heartbeat got progressively slower and slower until the last one rang out with a slow, low _thuuump….thuuuuump._ When Felix didn't hear another heartbeat after that one, he pulled away from Bella and looked at her face. She still looked unconscious and he started to think something was wrong. He put his hand on her cheek and patted it gently.

"Bella?" He said gently. Her eyelids fluttered and then opened. Her eyes were a bright red and Felix knew that her throat must burn worse than even his own at his thirstiest. His suspicions were correct when he saw her hand fly to her throat.

"Bella…" Felix said again, trying to get her to look him in the eye. Her head snapped up to face him and Felix took a sharp intake of breath. He would never admit it out loud, but she was beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. He caught himself quickly and shook the thoughts out of his head.

"Bella, I'm Felix. Do you remember me?" He used a soft voice, as if he were talking to a group of kindergarteners.

"Bella…my name's Bella." She said softly. Her hand was still on her throat.

"Yes." Felix responded and reached up to touch her arm. She snatched it away before he could.

"Felix, where are my clothes?" She asked him. Her voice was calm, as if this was just a normal question. Felix laughed, "I'll get you some." He left the bed and returned just a few minutes later with a t-shirt and jeans that she had left at the hotel. Aro had sent for someone to bring all of her things to the palace, including her car.

Felix averted his eyes while she got dressed, even though she wasn't taking any clothes off but just putting some on. It felt like the proper thing to do. He busied himself by putting his own shirt back on.

"Felix, I'm thirsty." Bella said, letting him know at once that he could turn around and that she needed to hunt.

"Okay, Bella." Felix responded and walked towards her. He held out his arm for her to take, but she ignored him.

"You don't remember me do you?" He asked her. She shrugged her shoulders.

"You seem familiar. I don't know. I think I remember you, but I don't think I ever liked you." Her response was so nonchalant that it made Felix laugh.

"No, you're right. We don't like each other very much at all." He dropped his arm and led her out of the state room and towards Aro's study. He wasn't sure what they were going to do about Bella, the Cullens, 

and, more importantly, Bella's feeding situation. Would they give her a human? An animal? Bagged blood from the Red Cross? He'd seen it done differently and he didn't want to anger Aro any more than he needed to.


	6. Why Don't I Miss You?

Bella followed Felix out of the bedroom. She had so many questions running through her head and she couldn't find the words to ask them. As she tried to decipher what was going on, she decided it would be easier to voice what she knew instead of what she didn't.

"My name is Bella. You're Felix. I used to be human. You changed me. I used to live with…I don't know. Not here. I lived with my father, I think. Um, Charlie?" She paused, trying to pick Charlie's face out of her weak, human memories.

"Uh, Bella?" Felix turned and looked at her with an amused confusion. Bella held up her finger to quiet him.

"Shush. I'm trying to think. There are so many faces. I know I remember them…" Her face was pained and her eyebrows furrowed. Felix rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, Bella, lots of us don't remember our human lives." Felix told her, attempting reassurance.

"Shut up, Felix! I can't think with you babbling." Bella responded, her face still wrinkled in thought.

"You can't think at all, it seems." Felix retorted, tired of trying to be nice. He was rewarded with a hard punch to his arm.

"Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Edward…" She winced. "Edward." She repeated softly.

"So you remember the Cullens." Felix commented. He flinched, ready for another punch and was surprised when she just nodded.

"Yes. I do. They are happy memories. Why do I feel such hatred towards them now?" Bella asked Felix.

Felix paused before he said anything, wanting to make sure that Bella actually wanted him to respond instead of just listen.

"You don't hate them all. Just the one." Felix told her. Bella went quiet again and thought this over.

"Edward." She said, sure of her answer.

"Yeah. Lover boy." Felix nodded.

"Lover boy?" Bella asked. She looked confused for a moment, but then her eyes lit up as she remembered more clearly.

"We are engaged." She said this and looked at her hand for confirmation. Sure enough, Edward's ring was still on her finger. Felix made a noise of agreement.

"He promised to change me, but then he backed out on his promise. He promised, Felix!" Bella looked at him. Her face was pained again and it was if she was begging him to understand.

"Yeah, I know. That's why you're here. That's why I've had to babysit you for the past three days. I know." He rolled his eyes again. Bella was starting to get on his nerves.

"I came here instead. To make you change me? No…to ask you to make them change me." Bella seemed confident with her findings.

"No. Not me. Aro." Felix told her.

"Aro..Aro…oh, Aro. Yes, I remember him. He creeps me out a little." Bella said unabashedly.

"Does he? If Aro creeps you out then why don't I?" He asked, not really wanting an answer. He just wanted her to shut up.

"Because. You just don't. You make me angry, but you don't creep me out." Bella told him calmly.

By now, they were almost to Aro's office. Bella could hear voices coming from inside of it. She was very pleased with her newfound senses. She was too busy thinking to notice the burning in her throat, but now that she had stopped concentrating so hard, it was overwhelming.

"Felix, I'm thirsty." She said. Felix came to a stop outside of Aro's office and knocked once on the door.

"I know."

"Come in." Aro's voice came from the other side of the door.

Felix opened the door and ushered Bella in before him. Bella suddenly remembered being pushed into this room only a few days ago. The memory scared her as she remembered their meeting not going well. Or maybe it was the events afterward that made her scared? She wasn't sure.

Her eyes scanned the room and fell on Edward and Carlisle. She wondered briefly if she should smile at them. She decided against it. She wasn't happy with them and she wasn't going to pretend that she was.

"Bella." Edward said breathlessly and made his way across the room to her. He reached out to hug her, but Bella stepped aside and pushed herself into Felix's side. This made Felix chuckle. Edward's face fell and he dropped his arms.

"Told you, lover boy." Felix said snidely.

"Bella?" Edward said, confused, and looked at her. She gave him a weak smile.

"Hi, Edward."

"What's going on? Why did you do this?" Edward asked her, his expression still sad.

"I didn't. I mean, I didn't mean for it to happen this way. I just came to talk to Aro. I was trying to get him to make you change me, Edward. I really wanted you to be the one to do it. Felix just kind of bit me. We were having an argument, I think. I don't remember, really. I tried to get you to do this, Edward, but you wouldn't. Now it's done and it can't be reversed. You lost your chance. I'm so sorry." She had a hard time looking Edward in the eye as she gave him her speech, but she knew that every word she spoke was true. She really was sorry.

"Bella, I…I don't know what to say." Edward said. Aro took the opportunity to speak up.

"Bella, darling, how do you feel?" Aro asked her.

"Strong, but thirsty." Bella said. Aro laughed wholeheartedly.

"Well, I guess it's time to get you something to drink then. We've got a selection for you to choose from just.."

"No. I don't want to kill anyone." Bella interrupted. Her comment made Felix roll his eyes again.

"Seriously? You're going to be like _them_?" He asked her, stepping away from her so that they were no longer touching.

Bella glared at Felix, "Maybe." Her simple response made Edward and Carlisle break out in grins. Bella continued to glare at Felix and he glared back.

"This is ridiculous! I thought you ran away from all that." Felix growled. His comment elicited a growl from Edward, "Leave her alone, Felix." Edward spat.

"Yeah, Felix, leave me alone." Bella said snidely. Felix opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted.

"Felix! Chair. Now." Aro barked. Felix looked up surprised, but he sulked to the corner and sat in the armchair. Edward gave him a smug smile. Felix crossed his arms and glared at Bella. This time, though, she didn't glare back. Instead, her facial expression had softened into something Felix couldn't read. He looked away.

"Bella, sweet, we have blood in storage for this kind of situation. It was freely donated by our secretaries. As I'm sure you've noticed, there are not many animals in Volturra, save for cats and rats. We will take you out of the city limits soon enough so you can hunt on your own. In the meantime, I hope that you will accept the bagged blood we have. Also, dear, you have some decisions to make about your future." Aro smiled at her, a twinkle in his eye. Was he asking her to join the Volturi? Did she want to?

Bella nodded and chose to ignore his last question, "The blood will be fine for now, thank you."


	7. All Eyes On Me

Two Weeks Later

Bella sat cross legged in front of Edward, her eyes closed, and her face scrunched with thought. She was trying to develop her powers, but wasn't getting very far. Aro had insisted on her strengthening them, developing them. Neither one of them knew the extent of her powers. She could still block out Aro, Kate, and Edward from her mind, but Marcus suggested that she might be able to let them in as well. This is what she was trying to do now…let Edward into her mind.

Two weeks ago, she had decided to stay with the Volturi. She knew that her power was useful. She could use it to help the Volturi instead of not doing anything with it in Forks. She missed her Cullen family sorely, and her death had to be faked for her real family. The only ones who knew better were Jacob and the rest of the pack. She missed Charlie and Renee deeply, but she knew that this was going to have to happen anyway. A clean break was probably best. Edward had chosen to stay on with the Volturi as well. He wasn't happy about it, but he wouldn't leave Bella.

Bella could feel the bubble of her powers surrounding her and she was trying her hardest to push it outward. It was draining energy out of her, but she kept pushing. Meanwhile she thought monotonous things in her head.

_Edward. Edward. Edward. Can you hear me now? Edward. Edward. Edward._

Bella opened one eye to see if it was working. Edward hadn't flinched, so she knew it wasn't. She sighed deeply and let her bubble drop.

"It's alright, Bella, you'll get it eventually. Could you feel it go farther this time?" Edward asked, his voice encouraging.

"Not really. I think I'm using too much of my energy. I should probably stop for a while."

Edward nodded and pulled her in for a hug. Bella smiled and sunk into his arms. He no longer felt cold to her, he was almost warm and not nearly as hard either. He planted a kiss on her lips. Even though Bella was changed, she still couldn't get him to kiss her any more than she could before. It irritated her. She understood that she had blown up at him a couple weeks previous, but she didn't think that he could still be mad at her for that. She did still hold a little grudge against him and Felix for Edward not being the one to change her, but she was getting over that quickly. Her human memories weren't very strong, and those memories were included.

Bella was glad that Edward decided to stay with her. She knew how hard of a decision it was for him. He had to leave his family to stay with her. She didn't feel worth it. She had noticed that he was a little sulky, and she knew that it was her fault. It was the reason they hadn't tried to be intimate yet. It didn't seem like the right time, even though it was all she could think about just a month ago. She felt too guilty, though she probably would have had sex with him if he asked. He didn't ask, though, and she didn't push.

Her eyes were bright red, the only thing she hated about her new life as a vampire. Her eyes were brighter than Felix's or Aro's, as she still had some of her own blood running through her veins. She wished for the golden eyes of Edward and his family, but she knew that it wouldn't happen soon. True, she did have a great amount of control as a new vampire, much more than normal, but Aro and the rest of the Volturi did not trust to let her hunt on her own yet. Instead, they brought her glasses filled with the sticky red liquid. Neither Felix nor Edward could stand watching her drink it. Edward because it was human blood, Felix because it was _lukewarm_ human blood. Both of them assured her that hot blood tasted much better, though they couldn't agree on where the blood came from.

"Maybe you could microwave it." Felix suggested.

"Gross! I'm not going to microwave the blood, Felix. That's disgusting!" Bella responded as she downed her third glass of O+.

"How you're drinking it now is what's disgusting!" Felix told her. Felix, Edward and Bella were all sitting in the library. Each of them had a different book in hand and they had been interrupted from their quiet afternoon by a tray of bagged blood and a glass. Bella had jumped on it greedily. She hadn't fed in a few days, and she was starting to get very thirsty. Neither Felix or Edward had fed in a least a week, but they were both still very under control and probably wouldn't have to feed for another week.

"I would have to agree, Bella." Edward told her, a grimace on his face. Human blood still smelled great to him, but watching her drink it was not very appetizing. He preferred the blood much thinner, hotter, and not in a glass.

"I'm going to try it again, Edward, is that okay?" Bella asked him, referring to testing out her power on him. Edward nodded and gave her an encouraging smile. He dropped his head back to his book, though, as he was able to concentrate on her mind and the book at the same time.

Bella closed her eyes and concentrated hard on Edward. She let her barriers down and felt the bubble expand like an aura around her body. She pushed it out towards Edward, but the bubble was being difficult. Every time she tried to push it out it would snap back into her like a rubber band. She took a deep breath and concentrated even harder. This time she was able to get the bubble out a little farther and it stayed in place. It tired her out quickly and she had to pull it back in.

"It got a little farther that time. I still can't get it far enough." Bella said.

"You'll get there." Edward told her, an apologetic smile on his face. He returned to his book.

"Maybe you're just not good enough." Felix murmured, not looking up from his large, bound book of the Douglas Adams collection. Bella scowled. Felix was starting to get on nerves.

"Shut up, Felix, I'll get it eventually. Right, Edward?" Bella retorted and glanced in Edward's direction.

"Of course you will, Bella." Edward responded, briefly looking up from his book and smiling at her.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the library, the three of them quiet and reading. Felix really didn't enjoy their company, but he was in the library before they showed up and he wasn't about to leave just so that they could get "alone time". Bella and Edward didn't care for Felix either, but again, he was in the library first, and they weren't going to make him leave. Instead, they spent their time trying to ignore him and his snide comments.

Two Weeks Later

Bella sat cross legged (again) in front of Edward (again). She was unsuccessfully trying to open her mind up for Edward again. She let out a growl as she released her bubble again, letting it snap back to her.

"Why isn't this working!" He groaned. Edward looked at her with sad eyes and gave her a sympathetic smile.

"It's alright, Bella. You'll get it." Edward told her, for the fifth time that day.

"I don't know why I keep trying." She said, laying down on her back, her legs still crossed., "I'm not getting anywhere."

"Bella?" Edward said, his voice soft.

"Yeah?" She asked, still lying down.

"I'm leaving." His voice was sad.

She sat up and stared him in the eye, searching him. She shook her head, not wanting to believe him, "You mean you're going hunting? Okay. Can I come?" She had recently been allowed to go hunting, as long as Edward was with her. It pleased her that she didn't have to drink human blood anymore, and Edward had been right. Hot blood did taste better, even if the animal blood wasn't as satisfying.

"No, Bella. I'm leaving. I'm going back to Forks." He hung his head and stared at his hands. He really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Why?" was all Bella could manage to say.

"I love you, Bella, and I always will. I just…I can't be away from them. I can't be away from my family. It's killing them, not having me there, and it's killing me too. I can't stay here. Come with me. Please?" Edward asked, lifting his head up as he uttered his last four words.

"You know I can't do that, Edward. There is nothing for me to accomplish in Forks. I'm needed here. I'm useful here."

"We need you in Forks, Bella. You're useful to us." Edward retorted, begging her.

"No, I'm not, Edward. Please don't go."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I love you." He looked at her sadly. If either of them could cry, they would be. Edward reached out his hand and stroked her face before kissing her chastely on the lips. He got up and walked out of the room, and presumably, out of the palace. He hadn't planned on leaving this early, but he knew the quicker he left, the easier it would be on both of them.

Bella sat where she was, still in shock. For three days she didn't move. She didn't eat. She hardly even breathed.


	8. Author's Note

**Just an Author's Note**

To those of you who haven't figured it out already, I bump the soundtrack to the last spot in the chapter list. It will remain there. If you have been getting emails from about my story and you click on the link it gives you, the link will take you to the soundtrack. Don't worry, just back up a chapter.

Also, the picture of Felix's outfit from chapter 2 is finally up. My roommate and I about cried when she had to erase his muscles and draw a shirt on him. Therefore, as soon as the moment arises, we will have a topless Felix scene so we can stare at a topless model for a bit. Yum! I mist busy myself on writing a towel-dropping scene...maybe I can get Molly to draw him nakie.

Thank you all so much for the reviews and the loyalty to the story. I am open to suggestions, as the story is really writing itself and the ideas for it I had in the beginning are long gone.


	9. empty

Bella stared off into space, looking towards a wall, but not really at it. It was painted green, this wall. Once a fly landed on it. She smushed it with her fingers. It bled on her. She licked the blood off her fingers.

She tried to bore a hole into the wall. It didn't work. This made her angry. Once she got angry, she felt miserable. She sank deeper into her depression. She killed a few more flies.


	10. Move Along

Bella was unaware of how long she had been vacant and fallow. She was dead to the world. She stood in her state room, staring at the wall. Sometimes she sat, but mostly she just stood and stared. Then, after what seemed like years, brightness flooded her peripherals and she had to blink out the sunlight that filled her room. She jerked her head in the direction of the window. Pulling at the blinds, opening them, was Felix. Bella heard a low growl come out of her throat.

"What are _you_ doing in here?" She snapped at him, her eyes black.

"It's been a month, Isabella. Aro wants to speak with you." Felix's eyes were a bright red, but it didn't deter from the coldness that lie within them.

"I do not wish to speak with him." Bella responded and turned her face away from Felix and the sun.

"No matter. I'll just carry you." He told her, smugness dripping from his voice. Bella turned to glare at him, but she barely had time to argue before he was upon her, lifting her around the waist and throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"PUT ME DOWN!" She screamed at him and pounded at his back. Felix was able to ignore the pounding. He was much stronger than her and it amused him—her behavior.

It wasn't long before they reached Aro's office. As was his custom, Felix knocked on the door, waited for Felix to invite them in, and then opened the door. He waited until he was through the door, and the door was closed, before he let Bella down. Bella's eyes burned with fury. They were the blackest they had ever been. She was in a defensive stance, waiting for Felix to grab her again. She was breathing heavily and scared.

She attempted to calm herself as she glanced around the room. Instead of just Aro, like normal, several people were in his office. Marcus, Caius, and even Kate. Felix was more than surprised to see Kate, but he ignored her. Kate and he didn't get along very well.

"Bella, darling, do you know why we brought you here?" Aro asked, stepping from around his desk to stand in front of her. Felix backed off and stood in the corner. He knew well enough to not try to stand between any of them and Bella. It would only cause him to get into trouble for being in the way.

"No, not really." Bella replied snidely.

Aro sighed, "Bella, you have been locked up in your room for nearly a month. It is time to get up and move on. You have not fed, you have not studied, and you have not tried to develop your powers. You have the potential to be extremely useful to us, Bella, but you cannot waste your life away locked up in that room."

Bella hung her head. She knew this already. The only reason she had stayed on without Edward was to be helpful. To help other vampires and humans. To protect people. She was not doing what she came here for.

"I understand that this has been hard for you. I did not expect you to just move on with your life, but things are different now. You need to step up and survive." Aro grabbed her hands and held them.

"Okay, Aro. I understand. I will start training my powers as soon as I hunt." Bella told him, pulling her hands out of his.

"Good, good. I have a proposition for you. Caius suggested that you may need motivation to get your powers to work for you. I have come up with a learning tool to help you with this." He motioned for Kate to come closer, "Kate is that motivation. You can block her powers from your mind, and you may be able to stretch this power to surround other people. Kate will use her power against Felix and you will try to prevent her from doing so. Does this make sense?" Aro asked her, without once glancing towards a very scared looking Felix.

"Yes. I will try my hardest, that is, if Felix is also okay with this arrangement." Bella hadn't missed Felix's terror-stricken face.

"Felix will be more than willing to help you. Right, Felix?" Aro asked, turning towards the bulky man in the corner.

"Uh..yes..of course." He answered, swallowing his fear. The reason Felix didn't like Kate very much was that she was always "practicing" her power on him whenever she felt like it. Having to subject himself to Bella and Kate's practicing was not something he was eager to do.

"Excellent. Bella, take a member or two of the guard with you when you go hunting. You have not fed in a long while and I don't want any accidents." Aro told her, effectively dismissing her from the room.

Bella nodded once and headed out. Felix followed her after a moment of glaring at Kate. Bella picked two random member of the guard with her out into the forests surrounding Volterra. She spent a few hours chasing and catching deer and elk, and with the help of the guard, she got her fill in a short amount of time. It had taken 7 deer, 9 elk, and one badger to quench her thirst.

Once she finished, she headed straight for her room to clean up. She glanced at herself in the mirror and was please with what she saw. She was much prettier than when she was human. Her hair was shinier, her face blemish-free. Her eyes were a very light gold. Her nose was no longer too big and her lips weren't lopsided. She smiled at her reflection and was rewarded with a straight, bright white smile.

She hurried to the shower, quickly washed off all of the dried blood. She wasn't a very clean predator yet…she was still working on it. She shampooed her hair twice, to make sure the blood was out of it as well. (Next time she'd have to remember to put her hair up in a ponytail before a hunt.) She glanced at herself in the mirror again, and saw almost no difference. Her hair was wet and in braided pigtails, but her face was still flawless.

She headed to the library, her new favorite place to be. She had agreed to meet Felix and Kate there to begin her first training session. She was a little nervous. It had been easy with Edward, he was always encouraging, and there were no repercussions if she didn't get it right. Now, though, she would have to 

actually protect someone from pain. Even if she didn't really like this "someone", she still didn't have the heard to let him be in pain if there was something she could do about it.

She was the first in the library, so she picked up the copy of Wuthering Heights she had begun reading when she first came here. She had been through it twice since she was here, but she decided a third time wouldn't be bad.

_1801 - I have just returned from a visit to my landlord - the solitary neighbour that I shall be troubled with._

This sentence started the wonderful mix of flashbacks in Heathcliff's world. She was interrupted, unfortunately, a few pages later when Felix and Kate entered the library.

"Are you ready, Isabella?" Kate asked, her voice carried some annoyance, but she was trying to be kind. Bella glanced at the page number of her Bronte novel and set the book down.

"Yes." Bella responded, getting more comfortable on the floor. Kate and Felix joined her on the floor, Kate sat next to her and Felix across from her.

"Whenever you are ready." Kate said quietly, a small smile on her face as she looked at Felix. Felix looked like he was about to get a root canal, and his eyes never left the carpet of the library. Bella took a deep breath and wiggled around to get more comfortable. She placed her hands on her knees and nodded.

"Okay." Bella said, starting to push the bubble from her mind to surround her body.


	11. Mr Brightside

Bella's face crumpled as she watched Felix writhe in pain. She placed her hand on Kate's knee to stop her. As soon as she touched Kate, Felix 's face calmed and he took deep breaths. He gave Bella a glare.

"This isn't working. We've been at it for three days!" Felix complained. Bella couldn't blame him for his complaining, the torture he was going through had to be awful. She had been able to get her bubble much farther, and she felt that she could make it work if she only had a bit more time.

"I'm sorry, Felix." Bella told him. It was something she repeated after every failed attempt. Felix nodded to her. He wasn't in a very forgiving mood, but he had to deal with the training. Aro had asked him to, and that was as good as Aro forcing him to.

"Let's try one more time call it a night." Kate said tiredly. She was bored of this and had better things to be doing. Her companions nodded and Bella once again took a deep breath and started concentrating.

"Okay, Kate."

She immediately saw Felix start to grimace and he grasped at the floor, trying to find something to hold on to that he wouldn't break. She pushed her bubble out towards him, trying as hard as she could. Felix looked up at her with hate in his eyes.

"Damnit Bella." He said, glaring at her. His voice was strained, but she could still hear him. The sound of his voice made her emotions go haywire. She knew she was causing him pain..well, not causing it, but she wasn't doing anything to help him. With one last push she thrust the bubble outward and it grabbed a hole of Felix much like it did to her own body. It clung to him like Saran Wrap.

Felix sat up and stared at Kate, figuring she had stopped sending him waves of pain, but her face was still scrunched in concentration. Then, he looked to Bella, her face was also screwed, but much more so than Kate's. He gave her the biggest grin of his life and felt like he could kiss her.

At Felix's smile, Bella grinned back as well, but this made her lose concentration and her bubble snapped back to her. This caused Felix to double back over in pain until Bella quickly shook Kate to make her stop.

"I can't believe I did it." Bella whispered, her grin still huge.

Felix was no longer happy. He had been protected and then it was gone. What the hell? He gave Bella a small smile anyway.

"Yeah, congratulations." He said.

Kate smiled happily; she could finally call it quits for today, "Excellent. We'll work on this again in a couple of days to give everyone a break. She got up and left the library. Bella felt a little tired, not sleepy, but exhausted. She knew that she could use the rest. She reached to pick up Wuthering Heights as Felix got up to leave.

"Jesus, it took you long enough." He remarked without looking at her. The comment got him an Emily Bronte novel to the back of the head.

xxx

Bella sat in her state room, staring out the window. She had watched the sunrise for the first time in a long time. It was beautiful, especially from the view of the countryside that she had from her window. Her beautiful, bird-chirping morning was cut short by the twangy sound of an unplugged electric guitar. If it had just been the guitar, she probably could have ignored it if it hadn't been for the _vocals_ she heard accompanying the guitar noises.

She willed it to stop, but it wouldn't so she groaned and started down the hallway towards the noise. It didn't take her long to find it. It was just three rooms down from hers, the door slightly ajar. She shoved it open and was greeted with a jumping Felix, rocking out on a classic looking red guitar, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab while he's having a smoke and she's taking—what the hell? Bella? Jesus Christ!" Felix yelled at her. He pulled his headphones off of his ears. It was then that Bella realized the guitar had been plugged in, but only he could hear what he was playing. _Mr. Brightside_, apparently. She crossed her arms in front of her.

"You were being obnoxious, I came here to say be quiet. I was enjoying listening to the birds."

"As long as you weren't trying to eat them, I guess."

"I happen to like listening to bird calls, moron."

"And I happen to like listening to the sound of my guitars. Besides, I wasn't being loud." He pulled his guitar off of him and set it down on the couch next to him. For the first time, Bella noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt. She wasn't disappointed.

Felix had on perfectly faded dark jeans that made her want to stare at his butt all day. His butt wasn't where the attractiveness ended though. He was wearing a slate gray blazer, splattered in reflective white and yellow road paint. The blazer was unbuttoned and he wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. His muscles were very defined. Bella tried to compare him to Edward's abs, but was at a loss. She decided Emmet's were a better match. His jeans rode low on his hips, revealing the perfect 'V' the muscles at his hips made.

Felix laughed and her head snapped up to meet his eyes. He had caught her staring. Or ogling, which was more accurate.

"Like what you see, Izzy?" Felix asked with a smug smirk on his lips.

"Don't call me that. And, I've seen better." She sniffed. That wasn't a lie. Emmet probably had more muscle than he did. Just not _much_ more.

"Of course you have." Felix responded, not convinced. "Did you just come in here to yell at me, or was there something else?"

Bella stood and thought for a moment, trying to come up with something witty for her to say back at him. He just frustrated her. She turned on her heel and left the room, "Keep it down, Felix." She yelled behind her. Felix couldn't help but smile as she left his room.

He couldn't help but notice everything about her. The way her hips swayed back and forth when she was walking somewhere important. The way her face crumpled up and the way she apologized every time she couldn't keep Kate from hurting him. He loved the way her hair fell on her shoulders. The way she re-read the same book over and over again.

He hated the way she still loved Edward. The way she still missed him. The way she still thought about him. The way she always looked so sad whenever she thought no one was looking. He hated the way she hated him.

**Author's Note: Check my profile for Felix's outfit. Finally! A bare-chested Felix. It's not there yet, but keep checking this next week. It should be up soon.**


	12. Hey Love

Later that day, Bella was on her way to the library. She would never say it out loud, but she kind of missed being able to go out and do things, like shopping. She spent most of her day in the dusty old Volturi library. The library was gigantic, rivaling only the Library of Congress in its collection. The library itself was three stories tall, books covering every wall. There were no windows, or if there were, books were hiding them from view. Bella had been unable to trust herself to climb the tall ladders to the top of the book shelves. She may have been a vampire, but a ladder three stories tall! It was too much. She stuck with books on the first level. Luckily, the fiction section was located there and she was able to get her hands on books by her favorite author, Jane Austen.

She had taken a few strides out of her room and towards the library when she heard the sounds of a guitar again. This time, it wasn't the grating, twangy noise of an electric guitar, but the warm, resonate tones of an acoustic one. She stopped in front of the door to Felix's room, not really knowing why she wanted to go in there and listen to the song. She opened the door, and immediately the music stopped. Felix was sitting on his couch, his back to her, but she knew that he had sensed her there.

"Why'd you stop?" She asked, closing the door behind her, but never leaving the doorway. Felix turned to look at her incredulously.

"You told me to keep it down." He said matter-of-factly and turned back around, suddenly very focused on tuning his guitar strings. Bella remained quiet for a long time and then started walking towards the couch.

"Are you gone yet?" Felix asked, irritated.

"Play." Bella said, sitting on the arm of the couch. Felix just smiled and shook his head. He put his fingers on the strings and started plucking out a tune that Bella was not familiar with. He used nonsense words and his hands against the side of the guitar to start up a melody and rhythm before he began to sing. Bella was surprised, after the screaming she had heard him doing earlier, that his voice wasn't really all that bad.

_Hey love, where you going to?  
You're not sleeping anymore, you're just trying to.  
Stay love, where you running to?  
Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you._

Easily with me I feel as fast as I can see..  
Afraid of the horror stories I fall down on my knees.

His playing started to speed up and his voice matched. His eyes were closed, like he didn't want to look at Bella. He seemed to forget she was even there. Of course, he was only acting this way for her benefit. In truth, he had picked this song especially for her.

_Come away, come away  
From all these things unheard  
_

_If a chosen word has got you cornered  
Then it's a lesson learned  
Like close the book before it burns you.  
Come away, come away  
From all these things unseen  
At the price you paid I promise you won't believe anything they say  
Belief will only disappoint you_

Well in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.  
Don't be fraid to face and break it, your secrets...yeah...  
Don't be arfaid to face and break it, your secrets...stay, stay..

_  
hey, hey love where ya goin'? ya goin to...  
You're not sleepin' in, you're not sleepin' in, no, not...  
Hey love, hey love, hey love, where ya runnin' to?  
Awful happens all the time, try not to let it kill you..._

He ended the song the same way he began, with nonsense words and his hands lightly tapping the hollow guitar. It was really a beautiful song. Once he strummed the last note, he opened his eyes. Bella was just staring at his hands on his guitar. He sat there for a moment, wondering if she had even noticed that he had stopped playing. She still hadn't moved. He cleared his throat.

"I'm surprised." Bella said finally.

"Surprised?" Felix asked, not really sure of her reason behind her word choice. No one had ever called his playing 'surprising' before. Bella didn't answer him right away, instead she pointed to his left wrist, which still clung to the neck of the guitar.

"What's that?" She asked, referring to the oddly shaped scar on the inside of his wrist. She hadn't gotten a proper look at it, and it was bugging her. She hadn't seen anything but a crescent shaped scar on a vampire before, and this was definitely not crescent shaped.

"A brand."

"A brand?"

"Yeah, a burn. I can't get a tattoo, but fire does burn me." He held out his wrist for her examination. To his surprise (and pleasure) she took his wrist in her hands and began to trace the brand with her fingers.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's called a _fasces_. It symbolizes strength and justice. The Volturi use it to symbolize themselves too."

"Is that why you have it. Because you're in the Volturi Guard?"

"Yes and no. Some members of the guard have it too, but not all. I have it because I like what it represents. Each of it's components means something else. Like, the axe, obviously means power. The sticks surround it represent the right to punish, and the ribbon tying the axe and the sticks together represent the restraint of our authority. " He explained this to her as calmly as he could, but he couldn't help but falter a bit. She was making it hard to concentrate with her fingertips tickling him like that.

"Fitting." Bella replied. She seemed a little impressed by it. She dropped his wrist and looked at his guitar.

"So when did you start playing that?" She asked. He started to answer, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. The knocker let themselves in.

"Gianna." Felix greeted coldly. Normally he didn't mind Gianna, but she had interrupted a _moment_.

"Il Felix, Aro vuole parlarle. " Gianna told him abruptly, not returning his greeting. Felix scowled.

"Di che? " Felix demanded. Gianna just smirked.

"Il Bella ed il suo rapporto con lei. " Her lips kept their smirk as she waited for Felix by the door.

"Oh, fotte tutto." Felix sighed. He got up and put his guitar down carefully.

"I've got to go talk to Aro, Bella. Would you wait here so we can finish our conversation?" He asked, trying not to look too hopeful.

"No, I'm going to go to the library. Your playing interrupted a trip there anyway." Bella told him, already bored. Felix nodded and turned to leave with Gianna. His thoughts were running wild about the conversation Aro wanted to have with him. Bella was not a topic he wanted to discuss right now, especially if Marcus had _seen_ something between them.

It wasn't long before Felix found himself in front of the massive doors to Aro's office. He took a deep breath before he opened the door. Of course, he waited for Aro's customary "Come in."

"Ah, Felix. Good, good." Aro sat behind his desk, reading a massive leather-bound book. He closed the book and set it aside.

"I assume you know why you're here?" Aro asked, raising an eyebrow. Felix sat thoughtfully for a moment.

"Not really. Kind of." Felix responded, knowing the basis of the meeting, but not why Aro needed to talk to him about it.

Aro just nodded, "I called you in here to discuss your relationship with Isabella Swan."

"What relationship? We don't have a relationship!" Felix retorted, a little too quickly.

"You are friends, are you not?" Aro asked.

Felix was thoughtful for a moment again, "I don't know." He responded truthfully.

Aro nodded again, "Marcus has seen otherwise." Felix fought the urge to roll his eyes. _Stupid, relationship seeing vampire_. Aro held out his hand across the desk. Felix obligingly placed his hand in Aro's. He felt Aro searching his mind for the truth of his and Bella's relationship. It was an invasive procedure, not something Felix really enjoyed, but something he was used to.

Aro dropped his hand after a few minutes. He sighed and looked at Felix from across the desk.

"We aren't dating." Felix told Aro, as if looking for confirmation.

Aro shook his head, "No, you're not. I wouldn't underestimate your relationship with her, however."

Felix opened his mouth to protest, but Aro put up his hand to silent him.

"No matter your relationship with her, there does need to be some sort of bond here. She needs a friend, Felix. She needs a friend here or she won't do us any good. We can't have her moping around any longer." Aro said. Felix nodded. He didn't really mind trying to be Bella's friend, but he wasn't looking forward to it. Bella would not have the same view on things, he was sure.

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading. Hopefully you got a better idea of Felix and enjoyed the Bellix fluff!**

_(Italian translation: "Felix, Aro wants to talk to you." "About what?" "Bella and your relationship with her." "Oh, fuck it all.)_


	13. Here Without You

Three days had gone by, and Bella was once again sitting cross-legged on the library floor, practicing. She had been getting much better at protecting Felix from Jane's painful power.

"Again." Jane said for the twentieth time in the last thirty minutes. Jane had started to take control of the practicing, having Bella withdraw and push the bubble out over and over until it was second nature. Bella was getting very good at it, and as a consequence, was getting very bored.

As requested, Bella pushed her bubble outwards just as Jane began emitting her power towards Felix. Bella saw Felix twist in pain for just a moment, her bubble reaching him just after Jane's power. Felix grinned widely at her, something he had been doing as soon as the pain stopped. Bella felt her breathing increase slightly, and she knew that if she could still blush—she would have. Her mind clearly elsewhere, Bella didn't notice her bubble releasing itself from Felix's form and expanding. She didn't notice until she felt a sudden, paralyzing pain. She instinctively snapped her bubble back against herself, releasing the pain. She started breathing heavily and released the clutch she had around her middle. Felix's face was once again contorted in pain. Bella shoved Jane's knee, a little more roughly than was required, and Jane stopped. She turned to Bella, a look of confusion and a twinge of annoyance on her face.

"I…I think I felt it. I think I put you in the bubble, Jane." Bella was still trying to figure out what had happened. Her brain felt scrambled from the recent attack.

"Fucking hurts, doesn't it?" Felix muttered angrily. His anger wasn't so much directed towards Bella as much as Jane. Jane loved her power. She loved it way too much. She used it recklessly and without abandon.

Bella didn't respond but instead stood up and left the library, her fingers rubbing at her temples. Felix moved to follow her but Jane grabbed him.

"What would Maia think, Felix dear?" Jane asked him, a cruel smirk on her face. Felix's eyes glossed over and he ripped his arm away from her before leaving the library. He didn't even notice Bella standing outside the room, waiting for him. He walked past her and towards his suite. Bella didn't try to follow him, but instead retraced her steps back into the library. Jane was still sitting on the floor, the cruel smirk still plastered on her face.

"Who's Maia, Jane?" Bella demanded.

"That's not for me to tell, Bella." Jane responded in a tone of voice that clearly indicated the conversation was over. Bella shook her head in frustration and went to go find Felix, her curiosity overwhelming her.

She walked the short distance from the library to Felix's room, assuming that's where he would be. She knocked on his door, but he didn't answer. This was strange, since he always answered his door. She tested the door knob and found the door unlocked so she let herself in.

She was more than shocked by what she found.

Felix was on the floor; his knees held up against his chest, his face crumpled, trying to make tears that would never come. He was rocking slightly, and muttering to himself. He didn't seem to notice Bella's entrance, or if he did, he didn't care. He seemed oblivious to the world, staring forward without really seeing anything. It didn't take Bella long to realize his muttering wasn't actually muttering. It was a single, repeated word.

"Maia."

The way he said her name made Bella's heart clench. She'd never heard anyone say someone's name with so much love and adoration, but there was something else to it to. Regret? Apologetic? She couldn't figure it out. All of her annoyance with Felix over the past few weeks disappeared and she sunk down to the floor next to him.

She placed one leg on either side of him and wrapped her arms around his upper body. He sank willingly into her but his expression never changed. Bella was still unsure of whether or not he knew she was there. She tried to comfort him by making soothing noises in his ear and rocking him back and forth. It was hard work, rocking him. She felt like a mother rocking her twice-as-big-as-her baby.

Bella wasn't sure how many hours had passed, or even how many days. All she knew was her and Felix. At one point, Felix did become aware of Bella and he showed his appreciation to her by wrapping his arms around her waist, but his head never left her chest. His whispers of "Maia" slowly decreased as his mutterings of "I'm so sorry" increased.

Then he stopped. He pulled away from Bella and adjusted his shoulders. It was all very quick and sudden, not to mention awkward. He wouldn't look at Bella but whispered a "Thank you".

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella asked, wanting to reach out to him, to hold him again, but she refrained.

"You should probably know. Everyone else does." Felix answered her, to her surprise. She was really expecting him to shut her out again. Felix stood up and headed towards the couch, wanting the feel of propriety back in his life. Sitting on the floor was hardly proper.

Bella followed him and sat on the opposite end of the couch from him. They both stretched out, her legs scrunched up against the back of the couch and his legs sprawled out on the front edge of the couch. One leg tipped precariously over the edge, as if it would fall off any moment.

"Her name was Maia." Felix started. Bella knew well enough to let him finish his story without asking any questions. She sunk herself into the couch, ready to listen for as long as he talked.

"I met her when I was fifteen. She was eleven. Our parents had recently become friends of convenience. I don't know whether they actually ever liked each other or not, but being seen with one another was good for their reputation. With our parents spending so much time together, we, of course, were put together often. I became a tutor to her, helping her with her studies. Mostly math and science, but I loved to teach her music as well. She was a natural. Her voice was gorgeous, and she loved to listen to me play the guitar. I loved to hear her sing. When I turned 20, it was only a natural decision for me to want to marry her, but she was only 16, and her parents would not approve. We kept our relationship a secret and spent as much time together as we could. It was a long three years before we got up the nerve to ask her parents again. Of course, it shouldn't have matter, since she was 19, but neither of us wanted to marry without our parents' blessings. Happily, they agreed but told us that we could not marry until she was 20. She would have to remain my fiancée until then. We started planning the wedding right away. We were both so excited. We set the date for January 4th, her 20th birthday." He took an unneeded breath and hung his head. Bella knew only too well that the rest of the story would not be so happy.

"She never made it to her birthday. Well, I never made it to her birthday. I was bitten," Felix pulled down the collar of his shirt to expose the crescent shaped scar below his clavicle, "She never left my side those three days. I was bedridden at my parents' house, a doctor was called, but the doctor didn't know what was wrong with me. He said I was going to die and that they should just make me comfortable. When I woke again, I was so thirsty. So damn thirsty. I…I couldn't stop. I couldn't control myself. I…I destroyed her. I killed her. I became a monster and there was nothing I could do about it." Felix's voice became ragged and husky. Bella felt for sure that if he could cry, he would be.

Bella didn't say a word but instead sat up on her knees and reached out to hug him. He pulled her close and she let him lay his head on her chest again as she rocked him once more.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered against his head. They felt comfortable, holding each other, but his thoughts weren't about her, and hers weren't about him. Both wishing they could cry. Both mourning the loss of the person they loved.

**Author's Note: I know it's been a while, but hopefully this chapter makes up for it. I completely lost all motivation for a while, but it's back now and you shouldn't have to wait nearly as long for the next chapter!**


	14. Don't Let it be Love

Felix had neither seen nor spoken to Bella for nearly seven days since he had told her about Maia. His thoughts were jumbled, his mind confused. It frustrated him. What right did Bella have to make him so confused? Sure, Felix never had much of a problem flirting with anyone, but the "moment" they had seven days ago…It wasn't right. Sure, Maia had been dead for hundreds of years, but he still felt guilty. He had never loved anyone but Maia, though he never let himself get close enough to anyone else to love them either. He wasn't sure what would happen if he let himself get close to Bella. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know either.

Felix hadn't communicated in any way for one week; it was inevitable that Aro would begin to wonder. After all, Aro had told Felix to befriend Bella. So, after only those seven days Aro had Felix sent to his office. Felix went reluctantly, knowing that he was not going to like what Aro had to say, but as always, it didn't matter what Felix wanted when it came to Aro. Felix would do whatever he was asked without questions.

So, there Felix was, sitting in the plush red armchair that sat across from Aro's large, mahogany desk. Neither vampire was talking, they were simply staring at one another. Aro had a calm, superior aura around him, while Felix was uncomfortable and nervous.

"Felix," Aro said finally, holding out his hand across the table. Felix obediently put his own hand in Aro's. It didn't take Aro long to find what he was looking for, and even though Felix hated being read like an open book, he sat patiently while Aro searched through his thoughts. After a few nods and sighs, Aro dropped Felix's hand unceremoniously on the desk. Felix withdrew it and set it back in his lap with his other hand.

"I believe we had a deal, Felix. I know some unfortunate circumstances have arisen, but that does not change the fact that I need you to befriend Bella. It may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but she needs to feel comfortable here to be useful to us. I understand that she is making significant progress in practicing her ability?" Aro tilted his head and looked at Felix for confirmation. Felix merely nodded. Aro grinned and continued, "There, see how having a friend helps? I can speak to Bella about this too, if you wish, and find out for you how she feels about certain things so you can talk to her easier."

"No, that will not be necessary, sir." Felix responded quickly, unsure of why he was being so protective. He was vehemently against Aro reading Bella's mind, even though Bella could prevent him from doing so if she wished. He wasn't sure why, but he convinced himself it was just an unnecessary burden on Aro's part to have to do Felix's chores for him. Aro nodded his approval and waved his hand, indicating that Felix could leave. Felix lifted himself out of the chair and headed towards the door.

"Oh, and Felix?" Aro asked, making Felix turn around.

"Remember what I said. Bella needs a friend. I do not wish to have to assign this project to someone else. We never know when we may need her abilities in a given situation and I want all my bases covered."

Felix nodded and left the room, eager to escape. Being in Aro's presence always made him feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Felix was not at all sure what he was going to do now. He did not want to talk to Bella, of that he was sure. Well, almost sure. Okay, so he wasn't sure at all. It felt completely natural to tell her about Maia, to vent to her. He liked the way she didn't talk or try to fix anything, but just listened. He had given up on trying to fix his problem. He was going to feel guilty the rest of his life, and nothing was going to change that. His broken heart, now that was a different matter. It had mended long ago. Sure, he still loved Maia more than anything, and he had never taken much interest in another girl other than physical pleasures. He was almost positive that he wasn't in love with Maia anymore though. His thoughts didn't surround her anymore. He didn't think about her daily anymore.

As these thoughts flew around in his head, he walked the long distance to Bella's suite. He figured that even if he didn't really want to talk to Bella, he probably should. Aro was counting on him. He hummed a tuneless melody in his head as he strolled, not in any hurry, towards Bella's room.

Bella pulled the laptop she had borrowed from Torrance, an unimportant member of the guard, onto her knees as she Googled places to visit in Italy. She was researching Venice when Felix walked through her door, uninvited. She took a last look at the flowing streets of Venice before sighing dreamily and closing the lid to the computer.

"Felix, what if I had been changing?" Bella scolded, not really angry.

"Um, it would have been even better?" Felix answered, acting as if her question had been stupid and the answer should have been blatantly obvious. His answer made Bella roll her eyes. She gave him a grin, though, and patted the space next to her on her beige, leather couch. Felix instantly forgot all the reasons he had come up with to stay away from Bella and sat next to her.

"So, you want to do some sightseeing, huh?" Felix asked, pulling the computer onto his lap and opening the lid. He was rewarded with a beautiful panorama of Venice.

"Venice, hmm? I've been there several times. It's very beautiful. You should definitely go, sometime, if you really want to." Felix told her, feeling an incredible urge to ask her there himself. He pushed the thought to the back of his head.

"I don't know. Is it safe? I mean, for me? I'm still so young…" Bella trailed off the end of her sentence and looked at her lap.

Felix nudged her shoulder with his, "We'll give you a month or so. You're doing extraordinarily well, Bella. Really. Aro believes it to be another of your talents. Adaption. You've done in a couple months what has taken the rest of us decades. It truly is intriguing."

Bella grinned, grateful that he had made her feel better. She really did want to go to Venice sometime. To ride in a gondola. She smiled dreamily to herself as she thought about it.

Felix's stomach gave a little flip when she smiled at him. He groaned internally. _Oh, god this cannot be happening_. Felix told himself and yet again, pushed the feeling to the back of his mind. He was determined to not let Bella get to him. Aro needed her to have a friend, he'd be her friend. It wasn't going to be easy, though.

Bella crinkled her nose. She wondered what was the best way to bring up the night before. She wanted to make sure that he was okay, but with the conversation they were having now, she was pretty sure that he was as fine as he was going to be. She didn't want to push it.

"So, Felix. You know practically everything about me. Except for Maia, I don't know anything about you. Tell me something I don't know." Bella asked. She looked him in the eye, trying to dissuade him from freaking out again. It worked.

Felix winced slightly at Maia's name, but grinned once she'd finished her sentence, "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Have you been to college?"

"Yes."

"Where'd you go?"

"I've graduated three times from Julliard and once from Harvard Law." Felix told her matter-of-factly.

"Julliard? Why. I'm impressed. What did you major in?" Bella's eyes widened.

Felix chuckled. She was more impressed with his Julliard degree than his Harvard Law one. It pleased him, "I have my Masters in Voice and Guitar, my first two degrees, and a Bachelors in Modern Dance, my third degree."

"Dance? Really?" Bella asked, tilting her head and looking at him in disbelief.

"Yes, really." Felix said with a grin. "Specifically Jazz."

"Wow." Bella looked impressed. She was really not expecting that out of him.

"Impressed?" Felix asked, giving her a flirty smirk. He reluctantly let go of his 'just friends' routine after realizing how much he enjoyed flirting.

"A little. I'll have to see it to believe it though." Bella challenged. Felix laughed.

"Well, I'll just have to take you dancing then sometime."

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I can't dance." Bella put her hands up and waved them to express her extreme dislike of his suggestion.

"You _couldn't_ dance. You're immortal now, your abilities have changed. I will bet you anything that you can dance perfectly well."

"Are you saying that you cheated by using your vampiric abilities to get your BA in dance at Julliard?" Bella asked him, faking astonishment.

"Ha! Of course not. You may not be awful at dancing Bella, but you are definitely not Julliard worthy. You've got to be amazing enough as a human that your human talent could _almost _get you in. Otherwise, there's no way." Felix said. He didn't mean his explanation to sound mean or criticizing. He was being very serious.

Felix was thankful that Bella was not offended, "So now you're just bragging." Bella returned Felix's flirty smile before stealing her (or rather, Torrance's) computer back.

"Well, maybe a little."

Bella laughed. She glanced sideways at Felix, "So, how old are you?"

"324." Felix answered immediately. It was not hard for him to remember the day he killed his fiancée. His gloomy thoughts were coming back again. Bella could tell and interrupted his 'emo moment'.

"So there's no chance for us then huh? You'd definitely be robbing the cradle over here." She grinned at him and Felix couldn't help but grin back.

"23. That's how old I was when I changed. I was 23. You're what, 19?"

"18. Just barely legal, baby." Bella squished her boobs together to give herself more cleavage and flashed Felix a hooker pose. Her plan worked, Felix laughed.

"Hey, legal's legal." Felix told her. Bella let her hands fall to her lap and smiled.

"Be happy, okay?" Bella told him, looking at him with unsure eyes. Her hair fell over her face, so she had to look through a curtain of brown to see him.

Felix reached out and hooked his finger around her hair, pulling it back like one would with a curtain, "I'll try, I promise."

Bella shivered at his touch, and he hadn't even really touched her skin. She cursed her body for doing something so human. Now he'd know what he did to her. She refused to look at him, though his promise did please her. She didn't want him to be unhappy, but she didn't want him to forget about Maia either. She wished he could find his happy medium. She wished she could be his happy medium. She grabbed his wrist and pulled it away from her hair and set it on his lap. She didn't want to get confused. She knew he was still in love with Maia and she most definitely didn't want to be the rebound.

_What would he be to you, Bella?_ She asked herself. If she acted now, he would be nothing more than a rebound for her as well. What a depressing way to enter a relationship. She wouldn't do it. She turned her attention back to the laptop and opened up Youtube.

"Have you ever seen the Numa Numa kid?" She asked Felix, drastically changing her mood from skeptical to energetic in one sentence. Felix, thoroughly confused, shook his head. He looked at his hand, still feeling the warmth from her hand on his wrist. He chose to ignore it and pushed his feelings back again. If she wasn't going to respond to his flirting, he wasn't going to force her to. He turned his attention onto the dancing, singing German on the computer screen and found himself laughing along with Bella. On Felix's request, they watched the segment at least five more times until they were both singing and dancing along.


	15. Author's Note Two

Author's Note

I am incredibly sorry about the wait that I have put you all through. Thank you to those that are still loyal to this story. I promise that I will finish it. I have been experiencing some writer's block right now, so if you have any ideas for me (besides Edward dying. I have future plans for him, so I can't do that) let me know. I would love to hear them. I may not use your idea specifically, but it may give me an idea of my own.

I will update within the week to be sure, so keep an eye on this story. If I'm lucky I will update this weekend.


	16. Accidentally In Love

**A/N: Sorry about the wait, all, hopefully this chapter will make up for it. Writer's Block is a bitch.**

3 Weeks Later

Felix walked, nearly skipped, to the library, holding a travel guide in his hand. He was humming the Numa Numa song so that he would have a reason to keep the idiotic grin on his face. It had taken weeks of painful practice with Jane and Bella and several hours of begging and convincing Aro, but he finally got what he wanted. He was taking Bella to Venice. Really, he hadn't gotten everything he wanted. He wanted to fly to Venice. It would be a five or six hour car ride and patience wasn't something that Felix was gifted with. Dashing good looks, amazing musical talent, and too good to be true finesse in the bedroom—sure. Patience? Not exactly.

He knew Bella would be in the library. She was always in the library. She would spend days in the library, just reading book after book. It was something Felix admired about her. Again, he didn't have the patience to read more than a few chapters in one sitting. He would get fidgety and bored. He entered the library quietly, but he knew that Bella would know he was there, quiet or not. He couldn't see her, she was hidden behind huge cherry wood bookcases, but he could smell and hear her. Her breathing was deep and even, as if she was asleep. He knew otherwise, though. Reading was the only time Bella was truly relaxed. Her nervously fingered the book in his hand, questioning himself briefly. Would Bella even like this trip? Would she be angry with him for planning it without her? He hadn't done any real planning yet. He hadn't booked any hotel or made any other reservations. He didn't want to pick a hotel she wouldn't like. He moved around the bookcases to the seating area in the middle of the library. There, in an oversized, black plush leather chair sat Bella. She had her legs curled up and was sitting sideways in the chair, her back up against an armrest instead of the back of the chair. Felix grinned to himself. He couldn't imagine that she was comfortable.

"Hey Felix." Bella said, a small smile on her face. Her eyes didn't leave her book, though, not until she finished the page she was on. She placed a finger on the page and closed the book. Her smile grew wider when she finally looked up at him.

"Hey Bella, whatcha reading?" Felix moved closer to her and sat on the ottoman in front of her chair. He set the book down on the floor. He didn't want Bella to see it just yet.

"The Count of Monte Cristo." She replied matter-of-factly.

"Haven't you read that one already?" Felix cocked his head and squished his eyebrows together in an inquisitive look. Bella rolled her eyes in response.

"So? I'm not allowed to read a book twice?" She asked, teasing him. Felix smiled.

"No, that's fine. I just never have." He told her honestly. He didn't see the point in reading a book more than once. Especially since vampires have exquisite memory. If he could remember everything that happened in a book, why read it again?

Bella sighed, "Why not? Books are meant to be read over and over again. You discover something new every time. Besides, books are much better than real life. Books have happy endings." Bella's face contorted into an expression that Felix couldn't read.

"Real life can have a happy ending too, Bella." He put a comforting hand on her knee and squeezed it softly. She smiled a little at him in return. "Besides, I have a book here I know you haven't read, and I think you'll like it." He picked up the travel guide from the floor and handed it to her. Bella took the book with a confused expression but once she saw the cover, her face lit up. She began to flip through it immediately.

"Aro finally said we can go….if you want to." Felix told her, still unsure of what her reaction would be.

Bella looked up, her face suddenly serious, "When do we leave?"

Felix laughed. "Whenever you want. I haven't planned anything yet. I didn't want to without you there too."

Bella was still serious, "Really? Edward would have had this whole thing planned out already." She paused and saw the hurt cross Felix's face before she corrected her statement, "But I'm glad you didn't do that. It always annoyed me. He treated me like a baby, and I hated it. Thank you for waiting." She smiled at him and bent down to kiss his cheek. "But seriously, when can we leave?"

Felix's heart rose again after her last statement, "Like I said, whenever you want to. We can leave today if you want. We might have a hard time getting a hotel this quickly though. Especially one where I feel comfortable letting you stay."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, confused.

"Well, we can't stay in a hostel. You aren't ready to be in such close proximity to humans. We have to drive there too, since Aro doesn't think it's a good idea to let you on a plane or a train for a couple hours with humans. We're going to have to book a hotel without lots of people in it—which means it will have to be pretty expensive and very exclusive." He judged her reaction carefully, hoping he wasn't being too forward with his plans. If Edward had made her angry by planning everything, Felix was going to let Bella be a part of all of the planning.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense. How expensive is expensive? I don't have any money." She looked down at the book in her hands, trying to avoid his eyes.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I've got more money that I know what to do with." Felix told her honestly. He really didn't expect Bella to want to pay. She knew that he had money. Why did it matter?

"Edward always said that too." Bella said, her face once again contorted into the expression the Felix couldn't read.

"Alright, you can pay me back. Or, you can pay for the next trip." Felix told her bending his neck so that he could see her face.

"The next trip?" Bella asked looking up suddenly.

"Sure. We can't stay locked up in here forever. That'd be boring." He laughed easily.

"What about food?" Bella asked, her golden eyes staring directly at his crimson ones. "What about _your_ food? You can't walk around Venice with red eyes."

Felix nodded, "I know. Normally I'd wear sunglasses or contacts. But since you're so stubborn about this subject, I'll…try…to feed on animals." He nose scrunched as if he had just smelled something bad.

Bella grinned ecstatically and threw her arms around his neck. She hadn't been this happy in a long time. "I'm so proud of you, Felix. You won't regret this." She told him, squeezing him tighter.

"Yeah, yeah. I said I'd _try_. I can't promise you anything. I've been feeding on humans for hundreds of years. This won't be easy." He told her, wrapping his arms around her middle to return her hug. He couldn't help but notice how good she felt in his arms.

Bella pulled away, much to Felix's disappointment, and put her hands on her shoulders, "Trust me. You'll be just fine. And if after the trip you feel like you can't do it anymore, you can…go back to the other way." She couldn't bring herself to say the words. The thought of feeding off of humans horrified her.

"Thanks Bella." Felix told her, his hands sliding to her hips naturally as she pulled away. They stared at each other momentarily, both feeling tension and both unsure of what to do about it. Bella responded first. She leaned forward and touched her lips to his softly, as if testing the waters.

Felix wasn't having the 'soft' thing. He grasped her hips tighter and pulled her off the chair and closer to him, she slid awkwardly into his lap, but neither of them cared. They were lost in each other. Their lips moved against each other in fervor. The pent up tension both of them had been feeling for months was finally released and neither of them could have been happier.


	17. Just Friends

"Here, what about this one." Bella pointed a slender finger at her laptop's screen and Felix bent his neck to look over her shoulder at it. His own laptop was on his lap, searching for the same thing Bella was.

"It's relatively cheap and it's within walking distance of almost everything. That's good right?" Bella asked, acutely aware of how close Felix was to her. His hair tickled her ear.

"Yeah, if you want to eat the little kids screaming in the room next to us. I know you're looking for something cheap, Bella, but seriously. Don't worry about it. I told you, you can make it up to me. Besides…do you know what I spend my money on? Guitars, Bella. Guitars. I have enough fucking guitars." Felix told her with a grin.

Bella laughed, "Alright, alright. But what about distance. We don't want to be too far away from anything do we?" She began to think about the length of time it would take to walk to the sites from some of the hotels that Felix had been bringing to her attention.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." Felix replied shaking his head, "When will you get it? You can't be close to anything. We don't know if you're ready to spend hours upon hours that close to people. Sure, when you're seeing the sites you'll be around people but we can get out of there quickly if necessary. Those hotels are going to be crawling with people and we won't be able to get away from them. Something way out of the way of everything is what's best. Really." He was trying to convince her without telling her a direct 'no'. He knew how much she hated it, and honestly, if she insisted on staying at one of the cheaper, more populated hotels or even in a hostel, he'd agree with it—just to avoid more conflict on his part and more pain on hers.

Arguing with Bella wasn't something that he particularly enjoyed, but he didn't avoid it either. He loved it when she got flared up and pissed off. It was the only time she showed passion in anything. He knew she had been passionate about other things before, and he was slowly getting it to return in her. Without a doubt, the kiss they had chosen to not talk about had proved that. Felix was desperate to kiss her like that again. To have her kiss him back. But if she wasn't going to mention it—he wasn't either. They were both just stubborn that way.

He turned back to his own computer after he got an eye roll from Bella. He was satisfied with that eye roll. It meant that he had won that argument. After a few moments, Felix stumbled across a hotel that looked promising.

"Here, look at this one." He turned the computer to face her a little more. "_San Clemente_." He read in his perfect Italian accent. Bella was jealous. Edward's voice had been smooth and velvety, for sure, but it was nothing compared to when Felix spoke in Italian. He couldn't help it, everything just sounded better in Italian. She let out a small but content sigh. Felix didn't miss it.

"So you like it then?" He asked skeptically. He wasn't sure what she was sighing for. At least it was a happy sigh. He wasn't sure that she had had any time to actually read anything on the website to be happy about it though.

Bella chose to ignore him. She would never admit that the sound of his voice made her sigh. Her eyes scanned the page and she found herself falling more and more in love with the gorgeous hotel every second.

"It's on an island, so we'd be pretty secluded. It's kind of pricey, so probably no families. We'd have to take a ferry to get to _Venezia_, but that's not a big deal." Felix didn't even notice his Italian pronunciation of 'Venice'. It was hard to remember to use English pronunciations of cities he had hardly ever pronounced any other way.

Bella began clicking around on the laptop looking at all the rooms and things. She came across some, but they were all very small.

"Bella, what did I just say about money?" Felix groaned and laid his head back on the couch in frustration.

"I don't see why we need to spend more money than we have to." She snapped at him.

"We do _have_ to. Let's at least get a suite. Those have three rooms to them, plus a bathroom. That's plenty of square footage to separate you from innocent little five year olds and their mommies." Felix taunted.

"Fine. But the cheapest suite with three rooms, got it? Don't get all fancy on me." Bella replied, giving up. She turned the computer back around on his lap and began researching places to visit in Venice. She left him to book the hotel, trusting that he would follow her instructions.

He tried. He really did. But then he got a glimpse of the rooms and the views and he caved to his own selfishness. This trip was half for him too, right? He should get to stay in whichever suite he wanted to. In the end he chose the Presidential Suite. It wasn't the most expensive, but it _was_ the second most expensive. He just wouldn't tell Bella—if he could avoid it.

He booked their hotel for two adults, and ten nights. He always found that one week was never enough and two weeks was too long. Ten days was a nice middle ground. He scheduled their trip for two weeks from now, as it was the next opening. It was nearing the end of summer, and travelers were still enjoying their breaks off from work.

Bella saw that he was done when he stretched his arms over his head. Stretching wasn't something that vampires needed to do, but it was a human habit that Felix had picked up in his travels. Felix loved to travel, and while he rarely traveled just to sight-see, he did encounter humans everywhere. Felix wasn't lying when he said that he would normally just wear sunglasses around everywhere when he traveled, but he honestly was curious about her 'lifestyle'. He was in no way considering sticking with her diet, but to try it out would be harmless, and maybe eye-opening. Besides, weren't you supposed to step out of your culinary box when traveling? He chuckled to himself at the thought, which made Bella look at him suspiciously.

"What?" She asked, immediately thinking he was laughing at her.

"_Niente, Bellissima_." Felix responded, giving her a cheeky grin. His response was easy enough to understand that Bella wouldn't need a translation, but he did hope that she caught on to his…alteration…of her name.

"No, you were laughing at something, what was it?" Bella pushed, completely ignoring the use of her name in his sentence.

"Nothing, seriously! I was laughing at myself." Felix told her, his eyes widening, urging her to believe him.

Bella just grinned, "So you think yourself funny, do you?" She asked, her grin still in place. Felix knew she was teasing so he decided to play along.

"I think I'm hilarious." He responded matter-of-factly.

"Well that's one person then." Bella replied cheekily. Felix groaned. He had fallen right into that trap. Bella's smile faded and she became serious.

"So how much is this hotel going to cost us…you?" She asked.

"Okay, don't get mad….€11,500." He mumbled the last part, but he knew she would hear it.

"€11,500?! Felix! That's like $13,000! That's way too much!" She threw her hands in the air for emphasis.

"Hey, you can't compare dollars and euros. Not when you're in a country that uses euros. €11,500 is the same to us as $11,500 is to you. It's the standard of living. I can't help it that America's economy is shitty. Besides, we're staying for ten nights. That's only about €1,000 a night. Not bad at all. Not when it includes all the stuff it does. Great view, WIFI, a mini-bar, a king sized bed…" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Bella laughed, "One, you wouldn't be able to use a mini-bar. And two, you aren't…_we_ aren't going to use the bed either." She knew that he was just kidding, but the thoughts of her and Felix _using_ the bed crept up into her mind anyway.

"Way to crush a man's hopes and dreams." Felix responded sulkily. His response didn't help Bella's thoughts any. She pushed them to the back of her mind as best she could. She was trying to forget about the kiss that they had shared. She still didn't understand her feelings towards Felix yet and she was sure that Felix didn't understand his feelings either. She didn't want to use Felix to get over Edward and she certainly didn't want to get involved with Felix only to get hurt again when she found out that he was only using her to get over Maia. It just wasn't a healthy situation and Bella was avoiding like the Plague.

She couldn't deny that she had _some_ kind of feelings for Felix though. And she knew that he reciprocated those feelings to an extent as well. Their heavy make-out session was proof of that. She just wasn't sure _what_ those feelings were. Lust? Love? Need? Desperation? A cruel mixture of them all and more? She couldn't be sure which means she couldn't continue any kind of relationship with Felix besides a platonic one. She didn't trust herself and she didn't trust Felix.

Nobody's trustworthy in the game of love.


	18. Here It Goes Again

Bella let herself into Felix's room to try to persuade him one last time. His back was to her. He was sitting on his couch, his laptop open to Youtube and he was watching 'Salad Fingers'. Bella smiled to herself. It was weird to see a vampire using Youtube in the first place, but to see Felix watching 'Salad Fingers' was priceless. Of course, she knew that he was only watching it because Bella had showed it to him. He had sat through the videos silently, a look of horror on his face. Bella was sure he had watched the videos several times after that, just trying to understand them.

She had entered the room casually, not silently, but not loudly either. Felix knew she was there, but he didn't acknowledge her presence. Bella leaned over the back of the couch and looked over his shoulder at his computer screen.

"Why are you watching this again? I thought you said it was "creepy and weird"?" She asked, her breath tickling his neck.

He turned to look at her and rubbed his neck where her breath had hit. He was trying to rub out the feeling it gave him, but he knew he never could. "It is creepy and weird. But it's just so fascinating." He turned his attention back to the computer screen and Bella walked around the couch and sat next to him.

"You think it's creepy. You do know you're a vampire, right?" She teased gently. Felix snapped his teeth at her, and grinned. He closed the laptop lid and slid it off his lap.

"Yeah, yeah. So, what do you want or did you just come in here to bother me?" He was teasing, sort of.

"Felix, please come shopping with me! I only have the clothes I brought with me and they're not the right kinds of clothes. Please?" Bella had been begging Felix for the past three days, ever since they booked the hotel. Felix groaned.

"No way, Bella. I hate shopping. Besides, what's wrong with your clothes? Can't you take the wives or something?" Felix asked, trying to give excuses.

"I hate shopping too, so it'll be quick and painless. I promise. I don't want to take the wives. They wouldn't go with me anyway. They never leave this place." Bella clasped her hands together and brought them up to her face in the classic begging position. "Please please please?"

Felix let out a loud sigh. He wasn't going to break. It was beyond easy to say 'no' to Bella. He remembered never being able to say 'no' to Maia. It annoyed him. Then came a well-welcome distraction. Someone was knocking on his door. Felix knew it was something important because no one came to his room besides Bella unless they had something important to tell him. And Bella never knocked. He got off the couch and took his time getting to the door. Even though he wasn't having fun with Bella right now, it was still better than 'important business'.

He opened his door and leaned against the frame when he found out who it was.

"What do you need, Jane?" He asked, annoyance clear in his voice.

"Posso entrare?" Jane asked, her tone mirroring his.

"Perché?" Felix raised his eyebrows suspiciously. Bella reminded herself to attempt to learn Italian soon.

"Perché, che devo dirla coinvolge anche." Jane responded, snapping. She brushed past Felix and placed herself in the middle of the room where they could both hear and see her.

"L'Aro amerebbe a.." Jane started and was interrupted by Felix.

"English, Jane." He reminded her in a tired tone.

"Oh, right. Aro would like to speak with both of you. Apparently someone is here and wishes to speak with you both." Jane told them, purposefully leaving out who was waiting for them. Felix noticed Bella visibly tense up.

"Thanks, Jane. We'll be there in a moment." Felix told her and gestured for her to leave. He was going to have to calm Bella down before they went and met with whoever was waiting for them in Aro's office. Felix assumed it was Edward, and he wasn't about to let Edward take Bella away.

Jane nodded and exited the room, closing the door softly behind her. Felix cautiously approached Bella who was busy staring at her hands. Felix sat next to her on the couch, his legs crossed Indian style in front of him so that he could face her. He reached out and touched her shoulder. She flinched, so he pulled it back.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked. He phrased his question carefully. It was already clear that she _wasn't_ okay, he didn't need verbal confirmation for that. Bella was silent for a moment and then lifted her head. She nodded at him and placed her hand on his knee, squeezing it gently to show to him that she would, indeed, be fine. Just not yet.

"Let's just get this over with, okay?" She asked him.

He got off the couch silently and held his hand out to her to help her up. As soon as she was standing he dropped her hand. They walked to the door quietly, and didn't speak a word until they got to Aro's office door. It was heavy, and Bella couldn't tell who was behind it. She tried smelling, but it wasn't helping her. All she could smell was Felix and the guards standing outside of Aro's door. She let out a shaky breath.

"Are you ready?" He asked her cautiously, looking down at her. Bella responded confidently.

"No."

"I'll be right here the whole time, okay? I won't leave you alone." Felix told her placing a hand on the small of her back and leading her closer to the door. He knocked three times. Once he brought his hand back to his side, Bella grabbed it. He was shocked, but didn't show it. He just gave her hand a small squeeze while they waited for Aro's customary greeting.

"Come in."

Felix opened the door with his free hand and Bella took a deep breath to calm herself.


	19. A Beautiful Mess

No sooner had Felix and Bella entered the room than Bella felt a body colliding with her own. She stumbled back, but caught herself before she fell down. Bella felt the tiny arms around body and couldn't help but hug back.

"Alice!" Bella exclaimed, tightening her hold on the girl and laughing. It had been so long since she had seen anyone outside of the Palace, and Bella was glad to have a friend back. Especially a girl of the female persuasion. Bella wasn't very good at making friends, so while at the Palace, Felix was basically it. She missed being able to have girly conversations and, even though she knew she'd regret it, shopping.

"Oh, Bella, I've missed you so much!" Alice said, finally letting Bella go. Bella looked up and over Alice's head, which wasn't very hard, and saw Jasper standing quietly in the corner of the room. He was looking at the girls' reunion with a small smile.

"I've miss you too, Alice. What are you doing here? I mean, not that I'm not glad or anything. Did you _see_ something?" Bella asked, turning her attention back to the black-haired pixie girl. Felix, who hand had been ripped from Bella's when she was pummeled, crossed the room and sat in his favorite armchair. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and crossed them at the ankles. He didn't look very pleased.

"I did _see_ something, but I'd much rather not talk about it here. It's not _that_ drastic, but I'd rather hear about what you've been up to." Alice told her. She motioned for Jasper to come over and in three long strides; he was standing next to Alice.

Alice glanced at him expectantly but he just shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. She's too happy about seeing you." He said quietly.

Bella's smile faded, "What are you trying to sense, Jasper?" She asked him, her eyes confused. Jasper remained calm, but didn't respond. Instead, Alice answered for him.

"We'll tell you later, Bella. But seriously, come on, let's go to your room so you can tell me what's been happening here!" Alice grabbed her hand and made her way towards the door. Bella stole a glance at Aro to make sure it was okay, and he just nodded, a smile on his lips.

"Are you coming, Felix?" Bella asked him. It was an honest question, she wasn't asking him to come along.

"No, go ahead. You've got catching up to do." Felix waved her on. He wanted to discuss this impromptu visit with Aro anyway. Bella nodded and left the room with Alice and Jasper. She led them to her suite and they all took a seat on her couch.

"So, why are you here, Alice?" Bella asked, her voice quiet.

"I _saw_ you in Venice. With Felix. And by with Felix, I mean _with_ Felix." Alice said seriously. If Bella could have been blushing, she would have been.

"But we're just friends, Alice. Really. I don't know why we'd do _that_." Bella told her, confused. She wasn't really going to have sex with Felix, was she? What scared her was that she couldn't answer that question confidently.

"That's what I _saw_. Maybe you don't have any plans to now, but you might in the future. Bella, I just wanted to come here and check that you weren't doing anything you'd regret. I wasn't sure if you and Felix in Venice was something you actually wanted or if you were doing to get back at Edward." Alice was very serious and very blunt in her explanation. "That's why I brought Jasper with me, to read your emotions towards Felix." Alice looked a little guilty, but kept her eye contact with Bella.

"But he couldn't read anything because I was too happy to see you." Bella said, remembering what he had said in Aro's office.

"Right."

"Well, what about now?" Bella asked, looking at Jasper.

"Now you're just frustrated." He told her, a smile playing on his lips. Bella's emotions had always intrigued him. They were all over the place, all the time. He normally had a hard time keeping up.

"You know, Jasper? There's always something I wanted to do." Bella said, an evil grin on her face. Before Alice or Jasper could understand what was happening, Bella launched herself at Jasper and wrapped him in a hug. Jasper was shocked, and Alice was laughing, but Jasper hugged her back.

"Me too, Bella." Jasper laughed, releasing her. The three of them laughed for a while, just happy to be in each others' company. Jasper's influence was clear, however. He was just happy that Bella wasn't upset with them. Once they calmed down, Bella turned back to Alice and grabbed her hand.

"I don't know what my feelings are towards Felix, Alice, but I promise that it has nothing to do with Edward. Well, that's not true. Felix is everything Edward isn't. They're so different, Alice. Like with this trip to Venice. Instead of planning everything without me knowing, like Edward would have, Felix and I planned everything together. He wanted to make sure I was happy instead of assuming that I would be. Felix was there for me when I needed to talk about Edward and he was there when I didn't want to talk at all. He's helped me develop my powers. I'm not going to say that there aren't any romantic feelings there, but I think we're both trying to ignore them. Neither of us are ready for that." Bella sighed quietly after her speech and looked at Jasper. "Anything different, now?" She asked, teasing, but she actually wanted to know the answer.

"Your emotions are making me anxious, Bella. Can't you just choose one and stick with it? You're like a roller coaster over there." He laughed, "But your emotions coincide with what you just said, so I believe you." He told her honestly.

Alice squeezed Bella's hand, "I'm not going to say I approve what you're doing, but I don't disapprove either. What Edward did to you was unforgivable and I don't blame you for moving on. I just want you to know that he hasn't moved on and he's a wreck right now. I'm happy that you have found friends here and that you are able to be happy without Edward, but the family hasn't seen Edward in months. He calls once in a while, but he's in Alaska right now, with the Denali clan sometimes, but mostly just on his own. He's a mess, Bella, and it's his entire fault. He knows that and right now the family is furious with him. For what he did to you. When he calls Esme and Carlisle are the only ones that talk to him. We want him to be happy, we do, but it's just so hard to forgive him for deserting you again." If she could have cried, she would be.

Jasper reached out and squeezed Alice's shoulder to comfort her, "We just want you to try to listen to Edward if he does try to contact you. Give him a chance to explain himself or at least apologize. We understand if you won't take him back. But he really is miserable right now, and I know that he really does want to see you happy but he probably doesn't want to see you happy with anyone but him. He'll accept your decision, whatever it is, but you both have to give each other a chance. You are both so stubborn sometimes." He gave Bella a sad smile. It was clear that he was worried about his brother but he was also worried about Bella. He wanted to see them both happy, even if they weren't together.

Bella nodded, "It won't be easy, but I can try."

"Okay, good, let's move on to a happier topic now." Alice said, clapping her hands together and smiling. Bella laughed. Alice always made her feel better. The trio spent several hours discussing what had happened in Volterra and what had happened back in Forks. Alice updated her on Jake and the Cullen's while Bella updated her on her own life. They talked about Bella's first hunt, her talent practice, and how she had gotten very good at protecting people from others' powers. They talked about graduation at Forks and how everyone missed Bella. Soon, several hours had passed without them knowing it. The only thing that brought them out of their nostalgia was a knock on the door. Bella looked up at the sound and was confused. No one knocked on her door, really. No one ever came to her room. She suspected that it was because she was never in her room, she was in the library or in Felix's room. Nevertheless, she stood up to answer the door.

"Felix, hey, is everything okay?" She asked, confused as to why Felix would be knocking. He never knocked.

"Yeah, I just didn't want to interrupt 'family time'." Felix replied snarkily, using air quotes. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Did you want something, Felix, or are you just here to complain?" Bella replied, snapping back.

"Nope." Felix answered, popping the 'p' at the end of the word. He turned on his heel and walked away. Bella threw up her hands in frustration and slammed the door. She walked back to the couch and sat down.

"What's his problem?" Bella asked rhetorically. Of course, she should have known Jasper would answer.

"He's upset." Jasper responded.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." Bella replied sulkily. Jasper chose to ignore her comment, knowing she was just angry about Felix and was taking it out on those around her.

"He's jealous and worried and frustrated." Jasper corrected himself. Bella stared at him in confusion. Why would Felix be feeling all those things?

"He's jealous because we're spending time with you and he's not. He's worried that we'll take you away, and he's frustrated because he's not getting what he wants." Alice told her.

"But I'm not going to leave!" Bella argued to no one, "And he can't be jealous that I'm spending time with you. You're my friends and I haven't seen you in months! He's being so unfair." Bella concluded, still angry.

"All's fair in love and war." Jasper told her. Bella looked up, shocked, but nodded in agreement.

"So back to happy things: I _saw_ you wearing the cutest dress while you were in Venice. Can we go buy it?" Alice asked, squirming with happiness. She reminded Bella of a puppy.

"Oh, yes, please! I've been trying to get Felix to go shopping with me for days, but he won't do it. I have no clothes." Bella brightened at the idea.

"Perfect, let's go now." Alice smiled, standing up and grabbing her hand.

"Let's hunt first, I haven't in a few days and I want to make sure everything will go alright. I don't know how my control will be." Bella told her, dropping her hand.

"Deal. Where do you go?"

"There's a pretty expansive forest a couple miles away. That's where I normally go. Do you care if Felix goes too? That is, if I can get him to come? He's going to become a vegetarian while we're in Venice to make things easier. I figure he should practice before we leave to see if he can even do it." Bella said. Alice and Jasper exchanged amused expressions.

"Sure, that'd be fine." Alice said, her expression still in place.

"What's that look for?" Bella asked, suspicious.

"I can't believe you've convinced him to hunt animals, even for the short amount of time you'll be in Venice. He must like you a lot." Alice responded.

Bella shrugged, "It would just make things easier is all."

"Okay." Alice responded, unconvinced. Bella rolled her eyes and headed out the door towards Felix's room.

"I'll meet you guys here in ten minutes and we'll leave, okay?" Bella asked. Her friends nodded their confirmation.

Bella walked to Felix's suite, hoping he was there. She reached to open the door but decided against it and knocked instead. If Felix was going to be cold, she would be too. Not two seconds later, Felix answered the door. He leaned against the door frame.

"Yes?" He asked, nearly snapping.

"We're going hunting before Alice and I go shopping, would you like to join us?" Bella asked, crossing her arms.

"No." He responded coldly. Bella nodded and turned to walk away. Felix grabbed her arm, "You're not going to argue?"

"No. If you don't want to go, you don't have to. I think it'd be good for you though, you need the practice. Hunting animals is a lot harder than you think." Bella responded, ripping her arm out of Felix's grasp.

"Don't you want to spend more alone time with your friends?" Felix asked. It was an innocent enough question but Bella knew he was being mean.

"Actually, I'd like to spend time with _all_ of my friends, but if you don't that's fine." Bella said. Felix hung his head.

"Alright, fine, I'll go. What were you guys talking about so much?" Felix asked the question he had been dying to ask since she had come to the door.

"Lots of things, Felix. You would have known if you had been there. We talked about you a lot, actually."

"You did?" He was shocked.

"Yes, we did. We talked about our lives and you're a big part of my life right now."

"Oh."

"You don't need to be so jealous, you know." Bella said.

"I'm not jealous." He snapped.

"Jasper's an empath, Felix, he knows what you were feeling."

Felix scowled, "Fucking emotion reading vampire."

"I know how you feel." Bella responded with a smile. "Come on, let's go. I told them I'd be back at the room by now."

"Alright." Felix stepped through the door and closed it behind him. Bella grabbed his hand and squeezed it, letting him know that she knew he was still upset and that he should be happier. Felix smiled at her and squeezed her hand in response before dropping it.

XXX

Several hours later, the four vampires returned to the palace. Three of them had very pale golden eyes and one of them had crimson eyes with several gold flakes in them. Bella thought they were beautiful. Felix was also covered in blood, while the rest of the group was spotless. They were all laughing.

"Alright, alright, so I need more practice." Felix said, staring down at his blood stained clothes. "At least these aren't my favorite clothes."

"You're better than I was." Jasper said, "Remember my first hunt?" He said, looking at Alice. She grinned, "I don't think you had a spot of skin or clothes that wasn't covered in blood." She told him.

"Let's get cleaned up and then we can leave to go shopping. I've always wanted to shop in Italy." Alice said with a dreamy look on her face.

"Alright, but don't go overboard, okay?" Bella said, already regretting agreeing to this shopping trip. Alice just laughed. It wasn't possible for her to not go overboard.

XXX

Not long after they had all cleaned up, Alice and Bella left the Palace in search for clothes for Bella to wear in Venice. Jasper chose to stay behind, telling them that he'd rather catch up on some reading while they were gone. Bella showed him to the library, but was suspicious as to what he really wanted to do while they were gone. If Alice shared her suspicions, she didn't let on.

While Bella was being tortured by trying on hundreds of outfits, Felix was also being tortured by Jasper.

"What are your intentions with my little sister?" Jasper asked Felix, both of them sitting in the library across from one another.

"She's not your sister."

"She might as well be. Answer the question."

"I don't have 'intentions'". Felix claimed.

"Alice has _seen_ things that prove otherwise." Jasper replied, crossing his arms.

"_Seen_? Oh, right, she can see the future. What did she _see_?"

"Doesn't matter. All that matters is that Bella is really sensitive right now and doesn't need anyone screwing with her emotions."

"No one is screwing with her emotions, Cullen. Or if someone is, it's you and your girlfriend."

"She was happy before we came and she's still happy now. You better not fuck that up." Jasper replied, an edge to his voice.

"She wasn't happy though, was she? It took months, but she's happy now. You're the one that better not fuck that up." Felix responded angrily.

Jasper sighed and hung his head, "You're right. She wasn't happy, but she is now, and that's what matters. She wouldn't be happy with Edward, I can see that, but for some reason she's picked you instead, though I don't know why."

"Neither do I. I don't know that she's even picked me. It's not like we're together or anything." Felix told him, his mind going back to the kiss he and Bella shared. Just because they kissed doesn't mean they're together though, right?

"Yet. Like I said, Alice has _seen_ some things."

"What?" Felix pushed.

"In Venice. I'd rather not talk about it." Jasper told him, looking uncomfortable.

"What do we do in Venice?" Felix pushed more. Jasper didn't respond, just gave him a look that said, 'Do I really have to explain this to you?'

Felix looked shocked, but after the initial shock wore off, was pleased. So he and Bella would finally get together. His mind went back to the first night she was here, when he had to lay next to her in bed. She was barely clothed. He felt his pants get a little tight and then a throw pillow hit him in the chest.

"Control your emotions, Felix." Jasper growled. Felix rolled his eyes and tried to think of something else…anything but Bella.

"Controlling." Felix responded. He stood up, "It's been nice having this little chat with you, but I'm going to go wait for them to get back in my room." He turned on his heel and left the room. He had to leave the room so that he could think seriously about how he felt about Bella without nosy vampire brothers hanging around.


	20. I Wanna Be There

As Felix sat alone in his room thinking, he turned on his stereo to play some Killers. He kept it quiet so that it would still allow him to think. He liked the mood The Killers spread around him. Their music was full of guitar and drums, loud and hard, but their tones were dulcet and the music calmed him. He sat with his head between his knees and his hands on the back of his neck, trying to sort out his feelings without Jasper there to tell him.

Jasper annoyed him. It wasn't really Jasper's fault that he could read peoples' emotions, but it was still frustrating. And what gave Jasper the right to lecture him on Bella? It gave Felix a lot to think about, that was for sure.

_Did he have feelings for Bella?_

_Yes._

_Did he want to take their 'friends only' relationship further?_

_Yes._

_Did he want Bella to forget about Edward and learn to love someone else?_

_Yes._

_Did he want to be that someone else?_

_Hell yes._

Felix rubbed his face, as if trying to get the thoughts to go away. He didn't know if he was even ready for a relationship with Bella. Would she just be a replacement? He didn't think so, but he couldn't be sure. He felt his pocket vibrating and looked down at it stupidly before taking out his rarely used cell phone. He didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Felix? It's me, Bella. Alice bought me a phone!"

"Um, hi. How did you get this number?"

"Alice _saw_ it. Well, she saw me dialing it. I don't know. Her visions always confuse me."

"Okay."

"We're going to be at the Palace in a few minutes, want to come help us with the bags?"

"Bags? Oh, shopping, right. Yeah, sure I'll be waiting."

"Great, thanks Felix." Felix could hear the smile in her voice. It made him smile too.

"Sure."

"Bye Felix."

"Goodbye Bella."

He waited until he heard the click notifying the end of the call before shut his phone and replaced it in his pocket. He made his way towards the entrance of the Palace slowly. He wasn't in any rush to see either one of the Cullens again. They upset him. Their damn talents always seemed to get him into trouble, whether it is Jasper revealing what he was feeling or Alice revealing what he was going to be doing in two weeks. Really, he just didn't want to know. Who really wants to know their future anyway? Aren't some things just better left unsaid?

As he expected, Jasper was waiting by the door too, sitting on the bottom step of the staircase that led to the second floor. Felix leaned against the wall next to the door. They were facing each other but neither of them said anything. Felix looked at the wall next to him, it was lined with the cloaks the Volturi commonly wore. They hung on this wall when not in use. Of course, Aro, Marcus, and Casius wore their cloaks all the time, but for the rest of them, it wasn't necessary. Everyone else only wore the cloaks when going out into public. It hid their glimmering skin from the world. Today was an exception, though. It was cloudy and rainy today, something that wasn't uncommon, but not the norm either.

Felix hated weather like this. Sure, it was convenient, but not pleasant. He could feel the warmth in sunny weather. When it was cloudy and rainy everything felt the same. It wasn't cold to him, but the lack of warmth is what he disliked.

He heard a knock on the door and straightened from his spot leaning against the wall to answer it. Since he wasn't very quick about it, their 'butler', a young human woman headed towards the door. Felix waved her off though as he opened the door. The woman just nodded and left the room. Felix wasn't sure what her name was, but it didn't matter because in a few weeks when someone lost their control, she'd be dead anyway. Humans didn't last long in the Palace—not in such close proximity of vampires.

Once he opened the door he was greeted with the smiling faces of Bella and Alice. Both were carrying several bags in their arms. He stood to the side to let them in. As soon as they had walked by, Jasper appeared at his side. Alice handed him the keys to her car and Jasper started out the door, "Come on, Felix." Jasper said, gesturing him to follow.

"Wait, there's more?" Felix asked, staring at the dozen or so bags the girls had already carried in. Bella, Alice, and Jasper all started laughing.

"You don't know Alice." Jasper told him and motioned for him to follow again. The car wasn't parked far so they got there very quickly. Felix was horrified to see that there were close to thirty more bags in the car—that he could see.

"Alice has a problem, doesn't she?" Felix asked, his eyes wide.

"She'll be the first to admit it." Jasper told him, smiling fondly at the thought of his wife.

"Are these all for Bella?" Felix asked as Jasper opened the door. They both grabbed as many bags as they could, pleased that they could get them all in one go.

"Most of it, though I think she bought you some stuff too."

"I'm not her Barbie doll." Felix sighed.

"Try telling her that."

They got all the bags into the Volturi Palace and Alice and Bella went directly to Bella's room to start putting everything away. Jasper and Felix went once again to the library. They didn't talk to one another but read instead. Just as Felix was starting to get bored with his reading, Bella and Alice arrived in the room. Alice found her favorite place immediately, sitting on Jasper's lap and kissing his cheek. He grinned at her. Bella sat in the chair next to Felix's.

"I put some new clothes in your room, Felix. I hope you don't mind." Alice said innocently, looking at him. He scowled and started to respond but Jasper just shook his head.

"Just smile and nod, Felix. You're not going to win this."

"Thank you." Felix told Alice, trying to smile. He was perfectly capable of buying his own clothes. Alice grinned at him and stood up. She pulled on Jasper's arm.

"Come on Jasper; let's go watch a movie or something." Alice said, helping him up from the couch.

"Or something?" Jasper asked hopefully. Alice laughed.

"Your libido is rivaling Emmett's, Jazz." She rolled her eyes and the two left the room laughing.

"That was awkward." Felix said with a grimace.

"Yeah, especially because they left us alone on purpose." Bella said with a scowl.

"They did?"

"Yeah, Alice thinks you and I need to have a talk." Bella said turning towards Felix. Felix took a deep breath. Was he ready for this conversation?

"Okay." He said, too nervous to say anything else.

Bella could tell that Felix wasn't going to initiate anything so she fiddled with her fingers before she got up the courage to ask her question.

"What are we doing, Felix?"

"I don't know, Bella. I really don't. I know what I want, though."

Bella's breathing quickened, "And what do you want?"

"I want to be with you." Felix's eyes never left her face, though Bella wasn't looking at him. She was too busy staring at her hands. She nodded to show that she had heard and understood him but she still didn't look up. He reached over to her and lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. He moved his hand and she stayed looking at him.

"You don't think we'd be rushing into things? I mean you and Maia and me and Edward…don't you think we'd be doing this to get over the people we really do love?" Bella asked, worry written all over her face. She begged him with her eyes to tell her that she was wrong.

"I haven't stopped thinking about that, Bella. I don't know for sure. I do think we'd be using each other, to an extent. But in a good way. We have already helped each other get over our pasts and I think this would just help more." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I'm not going to deny the fact that I have feelings for you, Bella, feelings I don't have for Maia anymore. I don't know how you feel about Edward right now, but Maia is in my past. She's not coming back and I've learned to deal with that. It's my fault she's not coming back, but that's the way it is. Those are my own problems that I have to deal with. Edward, though, he _can_ come back, and he might. That's your problem to deal with and I can't help you with it. All I can do is be here for you like he isn't. I know you've heard promise after promise from him Bella, promises that he hasn't kept, so I'm not going to promise you anything. You wouldn't trust my promises anyway. I don't blame you for that. For once in my vampiric life, I'm happy, Bella, and you're the cause. I haven't felt this way since I was human, and I don't want to lose this feeling. I wouldn't do anything to mess this up and I definitely don't want to lose it. I won't leave you Bella, and that's not a promise, it's a fact. There's no way I could leave you. If this relationship doesn't work out it will be because you don't want it to, and I will respect your decision." Felix dropped Bella's hand and took a few breaths. He had ran out rather quickly during his speech and had to take deep breaths in the middle of it.

Bella nodded, as if taking this in and got off her chair and sat next to Felix on his chair. She was small enough to fit next to him, mostly, but one of her legs fell naturally onto one of his.

"I don't want to lose this feeling either." She laid her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. She knew that she wouldn't fall asleep but that didn't stop her from trying. She felt Felix wrap his arms around and hold her close.

"So we're going to try this then?" Felix asked softly, his breath tickling her ear. Bella looked up at him and smiled. She reached up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips as her answer. Felix sighed happily and kissed her forehead. He definitely wasn't going to push this relationship.


	21. Soundtrack Updated Constantly

Soundtrack

_If It Kills Me_ by Jason Mraz  
(Soundtrack to entire story)

Hello, tell me you know  
Yeah, you figured me out  
Something gave it away  
And it would be such a beautiful moment  
To see the look on your face  
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking  
You know nothing  
Cause you and I  
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and  
We get along much better  
Than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me

Well how long, can I go on like this,  
Wishing to kiss you,  
Before I rightly explode?  
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me  
In fact it makes me nervous  
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Baby there's a lot that I miss  
In case I'm wrong

Well all I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me

If I should be so bold  
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand  
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man  
But I never said I would  
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

All I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me  
If it kills me  
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me  
It's a feeling inside that keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me  
If it kills me  
It might kill me

* * *

Prologue/Chapter One

_Break Stuff_ by Limp Bizkit

Its just one of those days  
When you don't wanna wake up  
Everything is fucked  
Everybody sux  
You don't really know why  
But want justify  
Rippin' someone's head off  
No human contact  
And if you interact  
Your life is on contract  
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker  
It's just one of those days!!

_chorus_  
Its all about the he says she says bullshit  
I think you better quit  
Lettin' shit slip  
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip  
Its all about the he says she says bullshit  
I think you better quit talkin that shit  
(Punk, so come and get it)  
Its just one of those days  
Feelin' like a freight train  
First one to complain  
Leaves with a blood stain  
Damn right I'm a maniac  
You better watch your back  
Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program  
And if your stuck up  
You just lucked up  
Next in line to get fucked up  
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker  
Its just one of those days!!

_chorus_

I feel like shit  
My suggestion is to keep your distance cuz right now im dangerous  
We've all felt like shit  
And been treated like shit  
All those motherfuckers that want to step up  
I hope you know I pack a chain saw  
I'll skin your ass raw  
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...  
I hope you know I pack a chain saw  
I'll skin your ass raw  
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...  
I hope you know I pack a chain saw  
I'll skin your ass raw  
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break your fuckin' face tonight!!  
Give me somethin' to break  
How bout your fuckin' face  
I hope you know I pack a chain saw, what!!...

_chorus_

* * *

Chapter Two  
_Losing Grip_ by Avril Lavigne

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?  
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real..  
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?  
Why'd you turn away?  
Here's what I have to say...

I was left to cry there, waiting outside there  
Grinnin' with a lost stare,  
That's when I decided...

Why should I care?  
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared  
I was so alone...  
You, you need to listen!  
I'm startin' to trip,  
I'm losin' my grip  
And I'm in this thing alone...

Am I just some chick you placed beside you,  
To take somebody's place?  
When you turn around can you recognize my face..?  
You used to love me, you used to hug me  
But that wasn't the case,  
Everything wasn't okay..

I was left to cry there  
Waiting outside there  
Grinnin' with a lost stare,  
thats when i decided...

Why should I care?  
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared,  
I was so alone  
You, you need to listen  
I'm startin' to trip  
I'm losin' my grip  
And I'm in this thing alone

Cryin' out loud  
I'm cryin' out loud  
Cryin' out loud  
I'm cryin' out loud

Open your eyes  
Open up wide

Why should I care  
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared,  
I was so alone

Why should I care  
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared,  
I was so alone  
Why should I care?  
If you don't care, then I don't care  
We're not going anywhere

Why should I care?  
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared  
I was so alone  
Why should I care?  
If you don't care, then I don't care  
We're not goin anywhere

* * *

Chapter Three

_Coffee House Soundtrack_ by All Time Low

Should I write myself out of the history books,  
and mark a place in time for every chance you took,  
Don't get me wrong I know you've got your life in place -  
I've yet to take the hint,  
Some day  
I'm sure I'll get the picture,  
and stop waiting up...

When it all comes down,  
to a sunrise on the east side,  
will you be there to carry home,  
the remains of my wasted youth,  
this wasted time on you  
has left me shaking in waiting,  
shaking in waiting for something more.

Tonight is alive with the promise of a street-fight,  
and there's money on the table,  
that says your cheap-shots won't be able,  
to break bones.  
I've yet to break a sweat  
I'll make your past regret its future.  
Here's to you.

When it all comes down,  
to a sunrise on the east side,  
will you be there to carry home,  
the remains of my wasted youth,  
this wasted time on you  
has left me shaking in waiting,  
for something more.

Make all of my decisions for me,  
I've never taken the fall for deceit,  
I'll keep a secret if you keep me guessing,  
The taste of your lips says we shouldn't have met like... (repeat)

I can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing,  
The flavor of your lips is enough to keep me pressing,  
for more than just a moment of truth between the lies told,  
to pull ourselves away from the lives we leave back home...  
I can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing,  
The flavor of your lips is enough to keep me here...

When it all comes down,  
to that sunrise on the east side,  
will you be there to carry home,  
the remains of my wasted youth,  
this wasted time on you  
has left me shaking in waiting,  
for something more.

* * *

Chapter Four

_First Day of My Life_ by Bright Eyes

This is the first day of my life  
I swear I was born right in the door way  
I went out in the rain  
Suddenly everything changed their spread  
Blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw  
I think I was blind before I met you  
I don't know where I am  
I don't know where I've been  
But I know where I want to go  
So I thought I'd let you know  
These things take forever, I especially am slow  
But I realized how I need you  
And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night  
Just to meet me in the morning  
Yeah I thought it was strange  
You said everything changed  
You felt as if you just woke up

And you said, "This is the first day of my life."  
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you  
Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you  
And I'd probably be happy  
So if you want to be with me  
With these things there's no telling  
we'll just have to wait and see  
But I'd rather be working for a pay check  
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time it's different  
I mean, I really think you like me

* * *

Chapter Five

_Why Don't I Miss You?_ by Bowling For Soup

Remember back at Ryder High  
Wishing on stars in the Texas sky  
I got your name tattooed  
Across my heart how could we lose  
Back in black when we were hand in hand  
Two young kids like Jack and Diane  
Falling at the speed of light  
Burning up never felt so right  
So why I don't miss you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do  
After all the shit that we've been through  
I can't feel a thing  
Maybe I was too high  
Maybe I just sobered up too soon  
You're still on the dark side of the moon  
And always on my mind  
So why don't I miss you  
So many nights we drove around  
King and queen of the whole damn town  
Voted most likely to succeed  
We were everybody's meant to be  
Burned out plans to take over the world  
Did I fuck it up, or did we just get bored  
Kept losing at the same old game  
We had our 15 minutes of fame  
We took it all the way  
You can't say we didn't try  
So why I don't miss you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do  
After all the shit that we've been through  
I can't feel a thing  
Maybe I was too high  
Maybe I just sobered up too soon  
You're still on the dark side of the moon  
And always on my mind  
So why don't I miss you  
Why don't I miss the way you laugh  
At everything I say  
You mom's apple pie always blew me away  
It's funny how I always write the same old song  
I wonder if you ever sing along with me  
Sing along with me  
So why I don't miss you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do  
After all the shit we've been through  
I can't feel a thing  
Maybe I was too high  
Maybe I sobered up too soon  
You're still on the dark side of the moon  
And always on my mind  
So why don't I miss you

* * *

Chapter Six

_All Eyes On Me_ by The Goo Goo Dolls

Daylight burns your sleepy eyes  
It's hard to see you dreaming  
You hide inside yourself  
I wondered what you're thinkin'  
And everything you're chasing  
It seems to leave you empty  
And it won't take long to burn  
All eyes on me  
Through the nothing that you've learned  
All eyes on me  
And the things you choose to be  
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away  
It's so hard to be someone  
Strung out from today  
And all that you knew slips away

You drown in deeper oceans  
Inventing new religions  
They smile and stab my back and  
I lie and have to laugh

And it won't take long to burn  
All eyes on me  
Through the nothing that you've learned  
All eyes on me  
And the things you choose to be  
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away  
It's so hard to be someone  
Strung out from today  
And all that you knew slips away

And you hid in your room  
And the light burns away  
And you move from the truth  
It's all so far from you

* * *

Chapter Eight

_nothing_

* * *

Chapter Nine

_Move Along_ by The All-American Rejects

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking  
When you fall everyone stands  
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking  
With the life held in your  
Hands are shaking cold  
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through  
Move along  
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely  
Could be a night when your life ends  
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving  
All the pain held in your  
Hands are shaking cold  
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through  
Move along  
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along  
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)  
When everything is wrong, we move along  
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through  
x3

(Move along)  
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)  
Right back what is wrong  
We move along

* * *

Chapter Ten

_Mr. Brightside_ by The Killers

I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
But she's touching his—chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Now, let me go

I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control  
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibis  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
But she's touching his—chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Now, let me go

I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control  
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibi  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...  
I never...  
I never...

* * *

Chapter Eleven

_Hey Love_ by Jason Mraz

Hey love, where you going to?  
You're not sleeping anymore, you're just trying to.  
Stay love, where you running to?  
Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you.

Easily with me I feel as fast as I can see..  
Afraid of the horror stories I fall down on my knees.

Come away, come away  
From all these things unheard  
If a chosen word has got you cornered  
Then it's a lesson learned  
Like close the book before it burns you.  
Come away, come away  
From all these things unseen  
At the price you paid I promise you won't believe anything they say  
Belief will only disappoint you

Well in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.  
Don't be fraid to face and break it, your secrets...yeah...Don't be afraid to face and break it, your secrets...stay, stay...

hey, hey love where ya goin'? ya goin to...  
You're not sleepin' in, you're not sleepin' in, no, not...  
Hey love, hey love, hey love, where ya runnin' to?  
Awful happens all the time, try not to let it kill you...

* * *

Chapter Twelve

_Here Without You_ by 3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
But all the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls  
When it's all said and done  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

_Don't Let it be Love_ by Bowling for Soup

I was out on the front line, doin' just fine.  
Put it all behind me  
'til I cam across a letter from an old friend,  
Askin' "How you been?"  
Stopped me dead in my tracks  
And shot me right back there to '02  
And it was me and you  
What am I supposed to say?  
I hope I don't fall head over heals  
Cause I know how it's gonna feel.  
And I don't think I could live through you again.

_CHORUS_  
So don't don't don't  
Let it be love love love  
Because it hurts a lot, like it or not.  
If it comes down to love or money,  
It won't be love love love  
It won't be love love love.  
And I know I should know better.  
Man, I hate this stuff. Don't let it be love.

Let's think in the front line.  
I'm on the drop line.  
So fill me in, bash me over the head.  
Wish I was dead. Time heals everything,  
Time heals everything.  
At least that's what I've read.  
Here we go again. We're head over heals  
And I know how it's gonna feel.  
When it crashes and it burns  
It'll be too much. So

_CHORUS_

And if I ever hear that song again  
I just might kill someone.  
Not literally  
But the thought has crossed my mind.

So don't don't don't  
Let it be love love love  
I'm much better with  
WHAM! BAM! Thank you Ma'am

_CHORUS_

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

_Accidentally In Love _by Counting Crows

So she said what's the problem baby  
What's the problem I don't know  
Well maybe I'm in love love  
Think about it every time  
I think about it  
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this  
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)  
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on  
Turn a little faster  
Come on, come on  
The world will follow after  
Come on, come on  
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running  
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love  
Melting under blue skies  
Belting out sunlight  
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender  
To the strawberry ice cream  
Never ever end of all this love  
Well I didn't mean to do it  
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning  
Mean we're never alone,  
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on  
Move a little closer  
Come on, Come on  
I want to hear you whisper  
Come on, Come on  
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on  
Jump a little higher  
Come on, come on  
If you feel a little lighter  
Come on, come on  
We were once  
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love  
Accidentally in love

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,  
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,  
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,  
Accidentally

Come on, come on  
Spin a little tighter  
Come on, come on  
And the world's a little brighter  
Come on, come on  
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

_Just Friends_ by The Jonas Brothers

There she goes again  
The girl I'm in love with  
It's cool we're just friends  
We walk the halls at school  
We know it's casual  
It's cool we're just…

I don't want to lead you on  
No  
But the truth is I've grown fond  
Yeah

Everyone knows it's meant to be  
Falling in love, just you and me  
'til the end of time  
'til I'm on her mind  
It'll happen  
I've been making lots of plans  
Like a picket fence and a rose garden  
I just keep on dreaming  
But it's cool cause we're just friends

Small talk on IM  
Just one word sentences  
It's cool we're just friends  
If I had my way  
We'd talk and talk all day  
Yeah

Everyone knows it's meant to be  
Falling in love, just you and me  
'til the end of time  
'til I'm on her mind  
It'll happen  
I've been making lots of plans  
Like a picket fence and a rose garden  
I just keep on dreaming  
But it's cool cause we're just friends

Thinking about how  
We're gonna say our vows  
It's cool we're just friends  
She walks down the aisle  
I see all my friends smile  
Cause now we're more than friends

Everyone knows it's meant to be  
Falling in love, just you and me  
'til the end of time  
'til I'm on her mind  
It'll happen  
We've been making lots of plans  
Like a picket fence and a rose garden  
I'll just keep on dreaming  
Just keep on thinking of when we used to be just friends

La, La, La, La  
La, La, La, La  
La, La, La, La, La  
When we used to be (When we used to be)  
La, La, La, La  
La, La, La, La (Just friends)  
La, La, La, La, La  
When we used to be just friends


End file.
